Politics as usual

Today was a little bit hectic. I've been heeding my boss' advice about taking my work a little bit slower and in the respect of fewer mistakes, it's been working. However, I still need to work harder on keeping jobs from overlapping, which is just frustrating as hell. I can't seem to make much headway on one job if another job comes in that forces me to stop what I'm doing on the first job. I know I'll figure it out soon enough, but today was not that day.

I got home and made myself a chicken dinner that couldn't be beat (a little something for you Arlo Guthrie fans out there). After dinner, I relaxed a bit before watching the State of the Union speech. Ordinarily, I find myself getting so irate watching Bush try to justify his policies that I just shut off the TV halfway through. Tonight was different. I watched the whole thing. And, to keep myself from tuning it out, I kept a score sheet. During the speech, Bush said the following words this many times (by my count):

September 11th: twice
Al Qaeda: 3 times
Evil: twice
Terror/Terrorist: 17 times
Freedom: 15 times

And for the first time ever in a State of the Union speech, the word BUD was mentioned. Granted, it was a man's name, but you know there were a few people from the pot legalization lobby out there going, "He he, he said 'bud'."

I also noticed Bush's involuntary jaw twitch about twelve times. There may have been more, but the camera wasn't on him the whole time. Does the White House have a neurologist on staff that can check into that? It's getting pretty damned creepy.

All in all, I wasn't impressed. Same shit, different time slot. The message I got from it all was that the President wishes to end the partisan bickering, but still believes that his policies are the only way to go. Thank God for term limits, that's all I got to say.

Woo Hoo

I decided last night around ten that it would be best to take the monitor to the office at night rather than lug it all in in the morning. I got it all set up and as I was cleaning up, I turned around to find my boss standing in the doorway. I was prepared to have to defend my actions, but as I explained the situation to him, all I got was, "Okay." Then he left me alone.

Today was a good day, if not pretty damned good bordering on great. My workload was steady but not heavy, with no major hassles. I called the repair shop about the latest problem with the laptop, and it all boils down to a $40 part and about a hour of labor. I asked if this was a major problem that requires immediate attention, and it's not...as long as I don't mind having to be tethered to a monitor. I figure I'll wait just a little while longer before I drop another couple hundred bucks into this thing. Besides, both the monitor at work and the TV I hook it up to at home are much bigger than the rinky-dink 13' screen on the laptop itself.

Come around 4:00 this afternoon, the good day brought about something that I don't believe has ever happened to me: Unwarranted giddiness. For no real reason, I was just happy as hell. It was a good feeling, and I hope it carries through the next few days.

Delayed feeling of stupid

Well, shit. I thought that the laptop survived the drop with no problems other than the disk drive. That was, until yesterday afternoon, when I went to start it up and the monitor wouldn't come on. Upon closer inspection, the screen was working fine, except for no backlighting.

My boss is gonna flip, so all morning today, I went into hyper-save-my-ass mode. I knew I had a monitor adapter for this thing somewhere, and my roommate had a monitor she wasn't gonna be using. The trouble was, I couldn't find the adapter. After turning the place upside down, cleaning out my car, and a mild freak-out. I reserved myself to the idea that I'd have to go buy a new adapter. Then , I decided to look around one last time, and found it stuck in the back seat in my car.

So, I'm taking the monitor into the office tomorrow, and I'll have to explain to the boss that it's no longer a laptop...it's a portable desktop. For home use, I have an adaptor for the TV.

I'm not hoping for any miracle that could bring back the light on the screen, so I'll have to adjust to this new way of working. My boss won't be pleased, but I'll just explain to him that in a few short weeks, I'll be able to pay the whole thing off and it won't be his problem anymore.

As for me, I'll just see this as a step towards my next computer. When I get my next one, the laptop will go into the clost with my old iMac. I'll just make sure that my next computer will be maxed out on everything, brand-new and stationary. I won't be taking chances of dropping the next one.

Sick puppies

Preparing for an entire night of TV and internet last night, I get a call from my buddy Tony. He asked me what I was doing, and I told him of the TV and the internet. "No, you're not. You are going to the midnight movie at Circle Cinema tonight with Jenny (his wife) and I." Being the pushover, I said okay.

I left the TV on A&E and watched the Biography of Osama bin Laden, the Biography of Al Qaeda, and a report on three people who missed flight 93, the one that crashed in Pennsylvania. Apparently these shows are a ramp-up to a movie they made about flight 93, so this weekend is all about 9/11. Here's a little chunk of irony for you: Mohammad Atta, who flew one of the planes into the World Trade Center and since changed the look of New York City, had a degree in Urban Development.

Around 11:30, I left for the theater. They were playing Harold and Maude, which I hadn't seen in years. So long, in fact, that I had forgotten how great this movie really was. We need more movies liek this nowadays. Leaving the theater, I was itching to go home and watch the Royal Tenenbaums, which I kept thinking would be a perfect companion movie. However, I just went to bed instead.

I had been fighting off a chest cold all week. I've been coughing, but nothing was breaking loose...until this morning. I woke up barely able to breathe. I made myself a hot cup of tea and breathed in the vapors. Within minutes, I had a major coughing fit that lasted over two minutes, left my ribs hurting and, I think, pulled a groin muscle. Looks like I'm laying around the house today. It kinda sucks having the weekend all to myself and I get sick.

The song stuck in my head

Indoor Fireworks by Elvis Costello. Can this guy write a song or what?

We play these parlour games
We play at make believe
When we get to the part where I say that I'm going to leave
Everybody loves a happy ending but we don't even try
We go straight past pretending
To the part where everybody loves to cry

Indoor fireworks
Can still burn your fingers
Indoor fireworks
We swore we were safe as houses
They're not so spectacular
They don't burn up in the sky
But they can dazzle or delight
Or bring a tear
When the smoke gets in your eyes

You were the spice of life
The gin in my vermouth
And though the sparks would fly
I thought our love was fireproof
Sometimes we'd fight in public darling
With very little cause
But different kinds of sparks would fly
When we got on our own behind closed doors

Indoor fireworks
Can still burn your fingers
Indoor fireworks
We swore we were safe as houses
They're not so spectacular
They don't burn up in the sky
But they can dazzle or delight
Or bring a tear
When the smoke gets in your eyes

It's time to tell the truth
These things have to be faced
My fuse is burning out
And all that powder's gone to waste
Don't think for a moment dear that we'll ever be through
I'll build a bonfire of my dreams
And burn a broken effigy of me and you

Indoor fireworks
Can still burn your fingers
Indoor fireworks
We swore we were safe as houses
They're not so spectacular
They don't burn up in the sky
But they can dazzle or delight
Or bring a tear
When the smoke gets in your eyes
When the smoke gets in your eyes
When the smoke gets in your eyes

$187.00 worth of stupid

I got to work this morning and started up all of the computers...only I couldn't get the laptop to start up. I had to make a run to our output bureau, and I took the laptop with me to have their tech guy take a look at it. It turned out that the battery was run out, and the charger was dead. He recommended Radio Shack for a replacement plug. They had one that would plug into an outlet, a cigarette lighter and into a airplane plug...all for $120. Too rich for my blood.

I figured I'd get a better price at the Mac repair shop we normally go to, and that was a good call. A new plug was $35. I paid for it and started to leave

Then I did the stupidest thing I've ever done. I flung my notebook case over my shoulder...forgetting to zip it closed first. The laptop flew about five feet and hit the concrete floor. Good thing I was at a repair shop. The mac tech and I picked up the laptop and carried it like a baby over to the counter. We plugged it in and started it up. Thankfully, it booted up, however, the DVD drive was sticking out about an eighth of an inch, and it was clicking like it was trying to eject.

So, the laptop went in for emergency surgery. In the end, the DVD-ROM drive had to be replaced...it's now just a CD-RW drive, because they didn't have another DVD drive in stock. No biggie, though, I never actually watched DVDs on it anyway. Parts and labor added up to $187.00.

Since the laptop technically belongs to my company (and I'm paying him back for it), I had to plead my case to the big boss. He cut a check for the repairs and this has been added to my tab. The big boss explained the situation to my other boss, and spared me a major foot up my ass moment.

I was lucky I didn't fry out the whole damned thing. But still, when I woke up this morning, I wasn't planning on over $200 worth of repairs. The laptop is rocking again, and I now will forever remember to zip up.

Thursday night drunken rant...delayed

I'm actually writing this on Friday afternoon instead of when I'm half buzzed on Thursday night...I'm still hung over, so it's not a total loss, guys.

I had a little talk with the boss first thing Thursday morning. He told me not to worry about my job so much. He said that I've been going about trying to improve my standing in the wrong way. I've been trying to get my job done too quickly, most often having to backtrack because I made a mistake. He said that even if I worked at half-speed and paid extra attention to every detail, then I would still be running circles around most of the other employees. That was a nice little ego boost, and it was nice to start a new big project with that new philosophy.

When I got home, I began the parade of laziness. Surfing the net, watching CSI reruns on Spike TV, beating my best time on internet Su Doku. For the uninitiated, Su Doku is kinda like crosswords with numbers. Nine squares of nine squares, making nine rows and nine columns. The numbers 1-9 must be used in each row and column and in each square of nine. All the strategy of Tetris with the addictiveness of crack. Someone, PLEASE, get me a social life.

Arnie's was fairly dead. No band, not crowded, just a good night to sit and quietly drink. My friend Heather stopped by and we started a long conversation about politics, religion, etc. About an hour before I left, my roommate called me to tell me that her cat Zac had apparently gotten out when I stepped out for a smoke. He was nowhere in the house, and she walked up and down the street to look for him and couldn't find him. I told her I'd look for him when I got home. I couldn't find him either.

So, I went to bed, promising to let Zac back in if I hear him at the door when he returns. The funny thing is, I found out this morning, he had fallen asleep in her sock drawer...he never even left the house.

Downs, ups, downs

It wasn't the best day to try to make demands at work...or to make requests...or breathe too heavily for that matter. My boss was in one of his moods, and I almost - ALMOST - got in his face about it, but decided not to. Wise decision.

I finally got caught up on my work this afternoon. It felt really good to be able to take a moment to breathe and count to ten. I even got a chance to leave a half-hour early to visit my friends Karen and Nathan at the hospital. Their daughter was born today at 12:42 pm. Interesting note, Baby Lexi was born at a hospital on old Route 66, and she weighed 6 pounds, 6 ounces.

When it was time for the baby to be fed, I was reminded of my steadily dropping blood sugar, so I excused myself to leave. I grabbed a burger at the slowest Braums in the known universe. You know it's a slow drive thru if you can smoke an entire cigarette before you decide you might as well but the car in park for the remaining ten minutes it'll take for the food to be ready. While I commend Braums for their policy of hiring the mentally challenged, but shouldn't they draw a line at the comatose? Every time I go to this one Braums, all of the employees look like there was a gas leak in there. Oh, well, the bacon cheeseburger was good, gas leak or no gas leak.

Then came the most humbling part of the month: paying bills. I am so getting screwed by Consumer Credit Counseling. Four years, and I'm hardly making a dent. I made the mistake of calling my mom and she's now kicking into hyper-problem-solver mode. She's suggesting research into other solutions even when I want to forget about it for the night. I want to get myself on track as soon as possible, but I'm kinda stuck. Bankruptcy laws have made it too difficult for me to just throw myself on the mercy court. I can't get any kind of loan without a better credit rating and I can't get a better credit rating without money that I can't seem to make at this point in my life.

To compound things, all my work on that time machine, so I can go back and beat the crap out of myself for thinking that pre-approval for platinum status was a good thing, have yielded no results. The best I can achieve is going back only a few seconds, just long enough to tell myself that it didn't work, so don't bother.

This whole square two thing is a real bitch, you know?

Thinking a little clearer now

Months ago, a buddy of mine gave me some advice that really made a lot of sense. The advice was originally directed towards a girl that I was starting to like, but the more I thought about it, it really applied to a lot of areas of my life. He said to me, "What's the worst that could happen? You'd end up right back where you started."

I got to thinking about that again today, and all of the things I've been bitching and moaning about the past couple weeks. That little nugget of wisdom is true...a little TOO true.

In regards to my love life, my job, my outlook, etc., that's really the problem. I always end up right where I started. I seem to be bungeed to square one. Isn't it weird that no one ever mentions square two?

Now that I've had this little epiphany, I feel like I'm on a quest to find the elusive square two. Maybe that's just a metaphor for a need to broaden my horizons. It's time for me to try new things...nothing too drastic, just baby steps.

The first step, as best as I can figure, is to learn to stop giving a shit about a lot of things. For so much of my life, the way I've gotten through so many stressful situations is through panic. That way I was never truly disappointed. No matter how bad things got they were never as bad as the worst case scenerio in my head. This period in my life will soon be coming to an end.

The key will be brutal honesty with myself, well-measured tact with others. So much of my life has been - wasted is too strong of a word, consumed may be better - by caving into the priciple of Occam's razor: All things being equal, the simplest solution is always the best one. I've been going for the simple solutions and not neccessarily the RIGHT ones.

It's time for me to do the things I've been too scared to try. Most importantly, not backing down when deep down in my heart I know I'm right. Let's just call it re-focused energy. My current decision to take myself out of the dating game for a while, I believe, is a step in the right direction. If the only women I'm gonna attract have more personal issues than Larry Flynt's bookshelf, then I don't need to be involved.

When it comes to my work, I think that I'm gonna have to make a few demands...namely a crystal clear job description. So many of the mistakes that occur on my watch are usually because I have to stop in the middle and do something completely different. I will be able to do so much more, hell, maybe even lead by example, if I could prioritize everything according to what is actually MY responsibility. Also, under the well-measured tact idea, I need to attempt the impossible: download my boss' brains so that we're all on the same page. This could go either way; I could get a raise or I could get a pink slip. I'll have to tread carefully.

This is phase one...phase two will depend on how well this'll work. What's the worst that could happen? I'd end up right back where I started.

Concerns, illness, commerce and apathy

Well, work wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I credit most of my good fortune to the flu, which has hit my boss like a ton of bricks. The coast isn't exactly clear, though. He's getting better slowly, and he has a long memory. All I can do is continue to do my job and hope and pray that things smooth over. Besides, my horoscope today told me to pick my battles, so I did.

I know that I previously said that I'd be able to survive if I didn't have this job anymore, but it's not something that I really want to have happen. It's sorta like knowing that I'd be able to survive on a desert island, but I'm not planning on playing Cast Away: the Home Game anytime soon.

In other news, my roommate has come down with strep throat. This means I'm gonna have to disinfect tonight. No biggie, I'm not gonna scrub like Silkwood or anything, but I do remember that the toothbrush holder doesn't exactly keep the toothbrushes separated.

Interesting little random fact about the strep virus: There are only two places on the human body that the virus can thrive...the throat and the anus. Not that this has any chance of happening to me, but I do think it's funny that somewhere, someone is suffering from strep butt.

I finally got my order in from T-Shirt Hell. A friend of mine is going in for a c-section on Wednesday and I bought the baby a t-shirt that reads "I can kick your baby's ass". Believe me, that was the least offensive shirt they have on their website...although I was considering getting the "All mommy wanted was a backrub" one.

So now, as my horoscope also told me, I'm staying home tonight. That means 24, CSI: Miami, Daily Show, and sleep. I believe the word many of you are looking for is pathetic.