Political cures that may be worse than the disease Vol.5: Death penalty

Say what you will about the war in Iraq, but the judicial system they've got going on over there makes ours pale by comparison. We've got guys that have been on death row for years, while Saddam Hussein gets his death sentance carried out in record time. Four days ago, they say he could be executed within 30 days. Earlier today, they say he could be hanged before the weekend's out. I look on CNN five minutes ago and he's dead.

In the wake of an incident last month where a lethal injection might have been done improperly, leading to an inmate taking over thirty minutes to die, many states are suspending all executions in order to review the whole process.

Now, I personally don't believe in the death penalty. To me it seems like an all too easy way out. Most people nowadays that are wind up on death row have such disregard for human life that they could give a rat's ass if they die themselves. And the fact that in this country, we have reduced the execution of the execution to a clean, clinical procedure, so much so that they give the condemned an alcohol swab...you know, to prevent the risk of infection, that it lessens the impact of the whole thing.

The whole point of the death penalty was stictly frontier justice. An eye for an eye. Punishment should fit the crime. However, if a guy hacks up an entire family with a machete, the punishment he receives from the state is one shot of painkillers and one shot of poison. How is that supposed to be a deterrant to crime? I know we're trying to act all humane about it, but the fact remains, you're killing a guy!

Like I said, I'm personally not for the death penalty, but I also believe that if you're gonna do something then you shouldn't pussy-foot around and just do it. If the punishment should fit the crime, then the manner of death should match the manner of the initial killing.

Take Timothy McVeigh, for example. He killed 169 people in the Oklahoma City bombing. If the punishment was to fit the crime, shouldn't he have been chained up in the basement of a controlled building demolition? There are some states that sentence people to death for drug dealing. Shouldn't the punishment respectively be slow overdose? Child molestation? Bleeding to death from anal tearing. Imagine Jeffrey Dahmer forced to benihana himself as his last meal. If you're gonna kill someone, get serious, or at least get creative about it.

Criminals aren't gonna stop committing viscious crimes if they know that if they get put to death that A) they won't feel a thing when it happens and B) they'll have cable TV while they wait for it.

I'm not saying we should outright abolish capital punishment, but let's be realistic here. Prisons are overcrowded, and having people stay in jail until they die of natural causes is a tremendous strain on the state budget. Once all appeals are used up, here's what I suggest:

1. Place each inmate in their own, private 6X6 cell with only a mattress, a toilet and a sink...and no human contact for the first two months. They get fed through a hole in the wall by machine.

2. After the first two months are up, we give them something to read: Court transcripts from their trial, illustrated with crime scene photos.

3. Two more months pass, and then we give them a TV, and the only thing they have to watch are testimonials from the victim's families. They can't turn the TV off and it's on a perpetual loop.

4. In another month, if they haven't cracked the TV open and slit their wrists with the broken glass, we offer them a cyanide tablet.

5. We leave them alone for a while to think things over. We gradually dim the lights a little more each day, so that by the end of the next month it'll be completely dark. If they haven't offed themselves in that time, we transfer them to a larger cell with no lights, and all of the other prisoners that have made it this long to keep them company. Then, maybe they'll just take turns killing each other.

Cruel and unusual, I'll admit, but I'll be willing to guarantee the friends and families of the victims wouldn't lose any sleep knowing these criminals are suffering a small portion of the fear the victims experienced in their last moments.