It's frightening how calmly she can talk about these things...

I got home from work today to find Candy taking a nap. I can't remember how the typical "how was your day?" conversation went into a discussion about our relationship, but it was kinda overdue.

I expressed with her what has been bugging me about the diagnosis and what's been bumming me out over the past few days. She said that inevitably that me wanting kids would become an issue one day, and that she would then tell me to go find someone else. Long story short, I got offered a get-out-of-jail-free card. I told her flat out that I love her and I'm not gonna let this be a catalyst for a break-up.

As much as I hated to talk about a hypothetical break-up scenerio, she assured me that if it were to happen that we would be friends. I've heard this before, most often by women that would rather set themselves on fire than ever speak to me again. However, if this were to happen between Candy and I, smart money's on this prediction coming true. We came together as two whole people, we love each other dearly, and any kind of split wouldn't be any big catastrophe. We would survive. That doesn't change the fact that I DON'T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN.

There are a lot of thing I want in life, but that doesn't mean I can ever have them. At this point in my life, having kids is equal to owning a Tuscan villa. The chances are remote, and it may happen one day, but I'm not gonna be ready anytime soon.

While we were laying all the cards out on the table, I went ahead and confessed that I've been smoking again. She wasn't too shocked by this. Besides, with what I've been putting myself through, as unneccesary as it may have been, it's a wonder I haven't started mainlining heroin directly into my eyeball.

Fortunately, tonight is my night at Arnie's, and that means enough mind-numbing alcohol I can take, just to sober up and head home.

No pic tonight, but I will have more soon.

losing suction

Just wondering, why did this guy Dyson make it his life's calling to build a better vacuum? Just how thick was this guy's carpet that he had such a problem with losing suction? Makes you wonder about his home life, don't it? "I want more suction, damn it!"

and the real bitch of it is, he's laughing all the way to the bank, and probably getting all the suction he can take. Hey, if murderers can have groupies, why not a vacuum cleaner magnate?

Terror alert level lowered

Today was much better in most areas, but a bit worse in others. My mood is better, but my energy was much lower. I've been sleeping, if you can call it that, in the guest room since friday. Not because there's anything wrong between Candy and I, I just want her to be comfortable as she sleeps and not have to deal with me tossing and turning like I normally do. However, she's kinda getting used to it, and I'm a bit paranoid that it may downgrade me to roommate status. I need to have a talk with her, but with two jobs, classes and taking on stage managing duties for a play, she's got a lot on her plate.

I'm dealing with my depression a lot better now, because I've had the chance to talk to a lot of people about it, and it seems that I've been doing more than my fair share of the worrying for both Candy and myself. She's getting back to her old self, cheerfully sarcastic and busy as hell.

Right now, I'm watching Lost, and the only thing more confusing to me now are the Target ads, the one with the dog that I'm surprised hasn't been in my nightmares yet. I guess that's one of the rules of advertising. Rule #1: If there's one thing that sells the company better than good advertising, it's bad advertising, because people will remember a sucky ad. Rule #2: if you can't hook them on a bad idea, confuse the hell out of them so they'll think it's avant garde.

Geez, never before has a show's title been so appropriate. I am so lost.

No pic today, too distracted.

ugh.

Another night of intermittant sleep. It wasn't nightmares this time, but a sense of dread about having nightmares. Is it possible that my sub-conscience has lapped itself?

I woke up feeling like shit, and it continued for most of the day. I really didn't want to deal with anybody today, but I cleverly disguised my contempt as sly sarcasm. Rather than give into the temptation to tell everyone to fuck off, I just let the zingers fly. Fortunately, they all laughed instead of taking swings at me.

Deep down, I wanted to pick a fight with the biggest, baddest biker I could find, I wanted to drink until I collapsed, I wanted to smoke and entire carton of cigarettes and clean out the buffet at Cici's then spend an hour on the Tilt-A-Whirl. I wanted to do anything I could to have a physical reason for feeling so shitty.

When this kind of malaise hits me, I naturally want to figure out why I felt like this. Most of it stems from the Candy situation, while some of it was sleep deprivation. The rest is just my clinical depression, what I call my I'm-only-happy-when-it-rains factor.

To me, living with depression is like living in a trailer. If you live there, it's pretty much all you have. So, when a tornado comes along, your choices are limited:

1.) You can go the medication route, which is like having a stranger tow the trailer to another state and not tell you where it's going. You don't know how you're gonna react, you just hope you can adapt to the new environment.

2.) You can ride out the storm, huddled in the dark closet the whole time.

3.) Or you can run, and deal with the aftermath when you come back.

Number two is the one I'm most comfortable with, if you can call it that. I know the clouds will clear away eventually, and I consider myself fortunate that I have plaenty of friends who'll let me drone on and on about the weather and not judge me for it.

The pic says it all

Dog days

I truly hate myself sometimes. I know this makes me sound like a whiny-ass little bitch, but it's true. Whenever a stressful situation rears its ugly head, one that I know will bring with it a great change in my life...one that I have little or no control over...my mind kicks into overdrive. Thoughts build up and repeat themselves until it's like having about a thousand dogs barking in my head. And it you know anything about dogs, it's the meanest and nastiest ones that bark the loudest.

What I hate about this are the bad thoughts, the selfish thoughts, the completely unreasonable ones. Thankfully, I never think of hurting myself or others. The duality of this is that I just wanna beat the crap out of myself for these things ever entering my head.

Since Candy got diagnosed on Friday with Endometriosis, the dogs have been barking. Strangely, she is the third girlfriend I have had with this affliction, so the diagnosis I was prepared for. It's the severity that threw me for a loop. There are options, but none of them are a choice I could make, not that I'm in a position to make the call.

One option would allow Candy to be able to have a child. However, the chances of natural conception are slim (slightly greater with in vitro fertilization), the medication needed to treat the Endometriosis can lead to birth defects, and there's a limited window of opportunity for conception before, inevitably, leading to option #2: Hysterectomy.

The biggest trouble I have, of course, is that this woman I love has to go through this, and the only thing I can do for her is stand by her side holding her hand. I cannot do anything to ease her pain, all I can do is make sure she's as comfortable as possible.

Running a close second is the fact that I cannot impose my will on the outcome. I've always wanted to have kids. Candy has been saying that she never wants to have children. I've been willing to accept that because I love her dearly and respect her decision. However, there's always been this hope in me that one day she'd change her mind. Now, that remote chance is gone. Poof! Now, I have to accept that. Unfortunately, this is the loudest barking dog in the pack.

Sounds selfish as hell, don't it? Doesn't it make you wanna beat the crap out of me for thinking like that? Me too.

I don't wanna be like that. I don't want this to be this way. I don't want Candy to have to go though this. I want to help her through this. I need to be stronger than this, and all I want to is break down. I need to break down, just to get it out of the way. The real bitch about that is it's like trying to force a sneeze. It has to happen on its own accord. In the meantime, I may have another night of nightmares.

Last night and the night before, I've had nightmares where I'm walking around my normal day-to day life, only to enter a room or round a corner and find someone I care about laying dead in a pool of blood. And I vapor-lock. I freeze up and just stand there, afraid to do anything. Five times on Saturday night and three times on Sunday. Now, this could mean that all of my anxiety over Candy's condition is really screwing with my head, combined with watching waaaay too much CSI.

Maybe a warm glass of milk and about three or four sleeping pills will silence the dogs for the night. Otherwise, expect the posts to get a bit darker in coming days.

No pic today. Hey, YOU try to find a picture that goes along with this little rant!

Quit screwing with me, brain, or I'll stab you with a q-tip

My friend Sterling once told me that I wear my heart on my sleeve because I want people to understand where I'm coming from. When he told me this, it became the single strongest realization of my life. This is why I cannot give a simple one word answer to a question. I have to explain everything, in great detail, to the point that everyone is just staring at me wondering if my train of thought has a caboose.

Another side to this is that those close to me can tell if something's wrong every time. I have the wolrd's worst poker face. I went to Arnie's last night, and the first question everyone asked me is "What's wrong?" Again, I couldn't give a simple answer.

I ended up spending a lot of time alone, not wanting to speak to anyone. At one point, my friend Kelly came up to me. She was quite tipsy and she wanted to know what's wrong. I was kinda tightlipped with her last week about what was bothering me at the time, and she suspected that there were problems between Candy and I. I had to tell her that there weren't problems like what she was thinking, but things were gonna change dramatically. See what I mean, horrible poker face. Whenever I beat around the bush, I sound like a fortune cookie.

I got home around midnight and fell right asleep. I woke up five times due to nightmares. I rarely have dreams, or at least any that I can remember, and the ones I do have/remember are ones that indicate high anxiety. I know why I had those dreams last night.

The only way I know how to handle personal stress is to have a breakdown as soon as possible. After a little panic attack, I can regroup and focus on what needs to be done. I haven't had that luxury this time around. I haven't had a chance to talk to Candy about everything, because of any number of reasons. I'm currently waiting for her to get done with her homework so I can talk to her.

I have decided that I don't care what course of action that's needed to be taken. All I want is for Candy to be healthy and happy and with me for as long as humanly possible. I love her and I really can't bear the thought of losing her.

I got blisters on my fingers

Candy's feeling a lot better today. After a night of her not being able to keep down saltines and ginger ale, maybe serving her breakfast burritos this morning and cajun chicken with crawfish stuffing wasn't such a great idea. Time will tell, though.

I now know how her mom handles stressful situations...she cleans. My job this morning, mow the back yard(s). The house next door is still unoccupied, and the previous tenant didn't mow the back yard for a month and a half before he moved away. I let it go until it was about waist-high before I cut it. This meant, I had to go over it three times with the mower, each time at less of an upward angle.

This posed more problems later on, because I couldn't mow it again until I raked up the clippings from last time. That is what I did today, and sweat out half my body weight and turned my hands into two large blisters in the process.

In order to salvage my day off, I opted to stay home while Candy and her mom went to the mall, as well as now, when they went down to Fringe, formerly known as String (thanks to some knitting store snobs in New York and their lawyers).

So now, I'm watching the Discovery Channel, watching these guys tear out walls in an office building. Boy, that looks like a good way to work out aggression. They just took a sledgehammer to a glass brick wall, a sight that would make my mom faint. She's always wanted a bunch of those grass bricks, and here they are just being destroyed. A shame, really.

Tonight, take care of Candy until she turns in early for the night, then I may head downtown to see Larkin at Arnies, or McNellies, I'm not sure which.

Here's another pic of Candy and I.

I love this woman

I spent my morning in a waiting room. Candy was in the other room having a camera inserted into her to take a look at her girly parts from an agle no one has ever seen before. I won't get into the whole diagnosis, suffice to say that I was (and still am to some extent) a nervous wreck about the whole thing.

The short of it is, Candy is home and quite high on painkillers. Her mom is here and we're taking turns tending to Candy's needs. I'm just trying to be the good boyfriend, letting her know that I love her and I'd do anything for her, and I've got receipts from three different trips to the grocery store to prove it.

I went into the office for a couple hours, but I had to leave because I was so distracted with thoughts of Candy that it was hard to focus. The strange thing is, I went to the office because I was worried about what I was missing at work. Catch-22, I guess.

Here's a pic of Candy and I, taken about a year ago at Oktoberfest.

My ego, now with free checking!

Today was another mile-a-minute day. Print this, proof this, deliver this. It was a pretty good day, all in all.

I've felt something on this job that I've rarely felt in a job: an occasional feeling that I'm depended on. It's never expressed out loud, and not ever very clearly, but it does happen. That feeling that if I'm not there, that, if it were to get done at all, it wouldn't get done nearly as fast or as well. Geez, the way I just worded it didn't make it sound special at all. I'd edit it, but it's actually demonstrating how my self-doubt keeps my ego in check.

Wanna know what builds me up? Looking no further than my own TV, at all the no-talent halfwits holding onto that last shred of fame. Those guys standing at the end of the offramp asking for money and noticing that their shoes are newer than mine. At least I've got my dignity. My meager paycheck every week may not be much, but at least it's honest.

Here's a pic of me riding a hog. Wanna know what else keeps me going? BAD PUNS!

The Lappy is dead...Long live Lappy II!

The laptop, or Lappy, as I call it, died yesterday. Actually, the monitor died, which left the lower portion in a persistant vegetative state. The most logical and cheapest solution at this juncture was to buy another laptop just like it and transfer the contents over to it. Unfortunately, half the work we had in the art department was either on the Lappy, or could only be done on the Lappy.

That was just item one on our glitch list. Our plate/film processor had a motor blown on it. We were able to run some more plates and film on it while the part was being shipped in...until the film jammed...big time...like, at a 45 degree angle...in the middle of a hot job...

That, and the copier crapped out on Monday. The leading theory is that these pieces of equipment belonged to the same union. If one was going down, they all were going on strike.

So now, I got the Lappy II, the processor is fixed, and we have a new copier. All things considered, my boss coughed up over two grand, and was not happy. The good news is, I completed all of the logjammed work in about two hours once everything is fixed.

The only thing left to do is convincing my other boss, who's on vacation this week, that everything would've gone to shit regardless of him being there.

Anyway, I've got chores to do, and I don't have a pic for the day.

Tomorrow should be better

Well, the laptop's days may be numbered. A few months ago, the screen started flickering. So, I took it to the shop. It turns out, it was just a loose wire. They told me that if it happens again, it might be the logic board, which may cost more than it's worth. I just hope this thing can hold out until February, when I can get a new one with my tax return.

Technical problems have been following me around today. The film/plate processor crapped out on us today, my office desktop locked up three times, and I had to keep transferring calls to our fax machine because someone kept getting the numbers mixed up.

Today's pic is a sign I wish I could have at my desk.

The past coming back to make me feel kinda uneasy

Went down to the Scottish Games & Gathering last night. I apparently missed the games, and the gathering was thinning out. I hung out at the Ancient Order of Hibernians tent until Larkin took the stage. Funny...a German, hanging out with the Irish, at a Sottish festival. I should've been a man without a country.

After a few songs, I left to go down to Arnie's for Cairde Na Gael's CD release party. Jeez, that place was packed. I stayed out on the patio all night and it was still claustrophobic. At one point, I worked my way through the crowd to go to the men's room, and first ran into this girl that I sorta dated but now kinda has a reputation as the bar skank. A minute later, I ran in to my ex-girlfriend (the last official one before Candy), and made the conversation very brief. Later, back on the patio, ran inot the grilfriend I had before that one, and went on to having a conversation with another ex and her fiancee. Four exes in one night. I kept looking around for D.J. Jones from high school to show up.

I went home around midnight, grabbing a big mac along the way. I crawled into bed and fell right asleep.

Here's a pic from the Scottish Games. How often do you see two overweight belly dancers on a hill like this?

My night out

The trip to Skiatook took a little bit longer than expected, thanks to Mapquest. I've been betrayed by them in the past. Directions to a friend's wedding reception led me to the middle of an open field twenty miles away from the actual event. This time, I led me directly to the bar, but took 45 minutes longer than it should. One of these days, I hope Mapquest will get it right.

The band, Three Penny Upright, was great. It was a blast to see a fresh crowd hear their songs for the first time, listening to the lyrics and genuinely being taken back by them. Of course, the beer probably speeded the process along a bit.

They only played for a couple hours, but our party continued over at our friend Pat's house a few miles away. Good conversation with good conversationalists, along with a few bottles of, aptly named, Miller High Life. I was so glad I didn't wimp out and go home early.

It makes me feel really good to have friends like these. I love them all dearly. It's nights like this that make me think really deep thoughts when I drive home; to take stock in what I have and what I've accomplished in my life. Tonight, I got to thinking about what I truly feel everyone must experience in their lives at one point or another...those life lessons that make us more well-rounded and wiser with age, and the sooner you learn these things the better. Once learned, most anything that happens to you afterwards is applied knowledge.

LIFE LESSONS EVERYONE MUST LEARN AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIFE (partial list):

1. Have a bad habit and quit it - I'm still struggling with the whole smoking thing, so...check, sorta.
2. Lose someone important in your life and not have the opportunity to say goodbye - I only say that because September 17th is the anniversary of my dad's death. Seventeen years ago today, and I still miss him terribly.
3. Lose someone important and get to tell them goodbye - Because thoughts of my father naturally leads me to thoughts of my grandfather. I miss you Papaw.
4. Get dumped - Happened quite a bit, actually.
5. Have to make the decision to dump someone - It's hard to admit when things just don't work.
6. Have a relationship fail where no one is to blame - Because it's so much better when you meet up with them years later and decide that you both did all that you could, then have a nice long talk over a few beers.
7. Have a strictly physical relationship - It gives you something to fondly remember when you're worried that you've never had any passion in your life.
8. Make a total stranger laugh so hard you thought they were gonna pass out - Like the time in line at Carl's Jr. when the fryer timer started beeping and I went "DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!"...oh, well, you had to be there.
9. Get drunk and make a fool out of yourself in public - St. Patrick's Day, 1999. Beers and margaritas on an empty stomach, then having a female friend pretend to be my girlfriend, just so I wasn't thought of as "that single drunk guy puking all over the place".
10. Have friends that, though you may not remember the exact moment you them, you can't imagine your life without them - latest example: tonight.

No pic this time...too tired to pick one out.

My inner cynic

Over the past couple of days, there has been a vast difference between what I have said out loud and what's been going on in my mind. For example, while I was saying, "That's a good idea. I'll see what I can do."...I was thinking things like, "Are you aware that you look like Carl from Sling Blade with a bee sting alergy?"

You see, over the past week, my work ethic has been a lot like a nuclear power plant (or is it now officially pronounced nookyooler?): A lot of energy, but there has been a few meltdowns. Since my little blow-up in the office on Tuesday, I've been making it a point to count to ten every once and a while, and not be so vocal with my frustrations. One thing that I've noticed is that if you stop bitching and moaning so much, you can hear your co-workers make fun of you behind your back a lot clearer. I just let them have their fun, but the moment they experience the same frustration as I do, I'll be the first to go SEE! SEE WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH?!?

This weekend is gonna be busy. Three Penny Upright is playing tonight in Skiatook, and I'll try to meet up with Candy and Craig for Twisted Theater. Tomorrow is work, then Scottish Games at the River Parks, where Larkin is playing, followed by Cairde Na Gael's CD release party at Arnie's. Sunday, I sleep in if I can, but there are rehearsals for George's play in the evening.

Today's pic, just to make me happy, here's Chuckles in his frog mask.

My letter to Tom Coburn

Just thought I'd share a little letter I sent to Senator Tom Coburn, M.D. (R-OK), our senator, in response to his rejection (along with every other Republican Senator) of an independent committee to investigate what went wrong with the government's response to Hurricane Katrina. In case I mysteriously disappear after this, please forward a link of this page to the police.

I highly recommend that everyone contact Dr. Coburn and give him a piece of your mind, that is, if he even reads his email. You can reach him at http://www.coburn.senate.gov/index.cfm?FuseAction=Contact.Home

Here is my letter. If you agree with me, I'd like to hear from you (misery loves company). If you don't, feel free to move on to the next web site.


So sorry to bother you, Senator. I know you're a busy man, what with doing crossword puzzles and choking back fake tears while calling for an end to the partisan politics that you exploited to get elected, and overall making Oklahoma the laughing stock of the nation.., but I, one of your constituants, would like to know why you rejected an independent committee to investigate our government's inability to get help to citizens in dire need of rescue in New Orleans and the Gulf coast?

I have continually been shocked and ashamed since the moment you were announced the winner of the November election. I seem to remember hearing you say on numerous occasions that you wanted to bring about major change in Washington. You are now in a position to make such a change, and what do you do? Do you put your money where your mouth is? NO! You tow the party line, reject the opinions of 78% of the citizenry and reject the independent investigative committee.

I don't expect you to respond, or to read this, but I just hope that one day you look around to the people you represent before you vote. Believe it or not, we don't pay you to make up your own mind. You are paid to do OUR will. Please rest assured, I will make sure as many people as possible remember this come time for your re-election bid.

Sincerely,
Dan Fritschie
Outraged Citizen

Relieved, but sick

Well, no backlash. The story was that on Tuesday, I was really stressing out, and I lost my temper at a co-worker, which turned into a major shouting match. It was all over in a couple minutes, and after it was all over, we both talked it out and smoothed it all over. I was afraid that this would get back to my boss, but it didn't...at least not for now. Besides, for my boss to freak out over this now would be a bit pointless, however, I wouldn't put it past him. So, everything's cool now. Whew!

A few people around the office have been sick, and I can't tell if I'm the next victim. My throat is getting scratchy, and my stomach is a bit queasy. On the other hand, I had a greasy chicken sandwich and German potato salad for dinner, washing it down with the weakest coffee in the history of the bottomless cup. We'll see in the morning.

If I am still sick or sicker in the morning, I'm still going in to work. It has to be really bad for me to call in sick. Besides, All I really need to do my job is have use of my hands, the ability to focus my eyes, and be relatively free of hallucinations. I've pulled full shifts with 103 degree fever, a puke bucket by my feet. Hell, now that I have a laptop and internet access, I may be able to telecommute if needed.

And I wonder why I can't relax on vacation.

I took a few shots at the office, experimenting with holding a manifying loop over the lens. This little self-portrait says it all for me at this moment.

Cheese, anger and accountability

After getting my cheese steak sandwich for lunch today, I started to wonder: Exactly when did American cheese become white? I remember when I was a child, and my mom got the big block containing 64 slices of American cheese, it was that not-available-in-nature yellowish-orange color. Somewhere, a racist conspiracy-theorist is using this as his main argument.

Something happened today at work that I'm not proud of, and I'll wait to report on it until I find out, if anything, happens tomorrow as a result. The short of it is that I lost my cool. The only reason I bring it up is that there was a weird calm afterwards, however it may be false hope that everything is okay...kinda like the eye of a hurricane.

Speaking of which, history was made today as Bush came as close as he's ever gonna come to a public apology and a even a shred of accountability: "And to the extent that the federal government didn't fully do its job right, I take responsibility. I want to know what went right and what went wrong." Record low approval ratings, citizens who once backed him screaming for his head on a platter? The White House asks Americans NOT to put two and two together.

Here's a picture of ice, for no reason whatsoever.

Clowns

Work was alright today, i just got tired of dealing with questions I was in no capacity to answer.

When I got home, I finished up with the mowing, had a nice dinner and now, I'm rocking the laptop while watching CSI reruns on Spike.

I was flipping channels and caught the tape of Bush saying he didn't know that FEMA Director Michael Brown had resigned (in disgrace) earlier in the day, even though Brown had issued a statement to the press that he had spoken to the president before handing in his resignation. I don't know which one is lying, but I do know that this is not behavior we should be getting from our government. This is crap you'd expect from a wacky neighbor on a bad sitcom. God help us all.

Speaking of which, here's a picture of a clown, one of the items at the silent auction Saturday night...along with the orchid I won.

Parties, wine and yardwork

Went to a great party out in the country last night. Great friends, great music, great times. I took a bottle of my grandmother's wine, and a lot of people were greatly appreciative, or as they would've said it, "Iieee louvve yooooou, maaan."

The thing you gotta keep in mind is that my Grandmother got her wine recipe from my grandfather, and his stuff was good. However, his wine was a bit stronger and not as sweet as my grandmother's. My dad used to refer to it as the nectar of the gods, generally after a couple glasses of it. Whenever I give someone a glass of this wine, I tell them about my grandfather's funeral reception, where about 100 people had a toast in his honor with his wine. We all raised our glasses, drank, and we all said in unison "whoa, man!" I could picture my Papaw looking down on us all and having a hearty chuckle.

At the party last night, I made a bet with my buddy Nathan, two bets actually. He bet me that Oliver Stone directed Risky Business (which he didn't, and I counterbet because he didn't believe that Quentin Tarantino wrote Natural Born Killers. We were both drunk when we made the bet, so I'm not holding to it, even though If I were, he'd owe me twenty bucks. That's just the kind of guy I am.

Today, I tackled the tremenous task of mowing the back yard next door for the first time in about four months. The grass was waist-high in some places and knee-high in others. It took three passes with the mower to get it all to a manageable length. I couldn't get it all done today, so I'll finish it tomorrow night. After finishing up, I should have enough clippings to make a bale of hay, in case anyone out there needs to feed a horse.

Here's today's pic, taken at the party last night and inspired by Anthony Michael Hall in Sixteen Candles. I have a feeling I'll be doing this anytime I see a glass-top coffee table at a party. For authenticity, I was screaming "JAKE!!!" for the shot.

Work...after while

Another lazy, lazy day. Got plenty to do, but I'm not doing it.

Last night, Candy and I polished up a couple bottles of wine and then got a visit from our friends George and Jenny. Goerge wants Candy to be the stage manager for the next play at the Nightingale Theater, and she wants me to do the poster.

I love freelance work like this. First of all, I have almost total creative freedom, they trust me to come up with something really cool without backseat driving throughout the whole process. Secondly, I do this for free, so my boss can't claim it's a conflict of interest. Lastly, they make great future portfolio pieces.

George gave us a copy of the script, so Candy can know what she's getting herself into, and so I can have an idea as to what the play is about. This is gonna be fun.

But as for now, I've got some laundry that desperately needs to be done. I've put it off long enough.

Here's today's pic: Chuck the cat and Jacque the monkey.

Not a very politically correct thought, but...

Here's a weird thought. I keep thinking about all the people directly affected by the Hurricane, numbers in the hundreds of thousands displaced, maybe thousands more dead...there's a chance, albeit a REMOTE chance, that one guy in the gulf coast area very recently broke up with a girl named Katrina. Imagine these two possible scenarios:

1) The guy gets dumped by Katrina. His heart is broken. Then, his house is razed by a storm bearing the same name as his ex-girlfriend. Insult to injury.

2) Katrina gets dumped by the guy. Then, comes the storm, with the same horrible result to his house and home. In this case, the ultimate in karmic retribution.

Either way, this guy will have a story to tell for the rest of his life.

Seriously, though, My grandparents were lucky enough to get out of New Orleans before the storm hit. Many thousands of people are lucky to be alive today, let alone get out of New Orleans. Keep these people in your thoughts (and prayers, if that's your thing), and give whatever you can to help.

Today's pic is a bit of a departure from my usual digital shots. This is a digital illustration of a shot I took while on a photo shoot at City Park in New Orleans. The columns surround a fountain that the city spend over a million dollars to renovate, but had to close it off due to vandalism. The fountain part of the park was only available by appointment. From what I can gather, the entire park is under water, maybe destroyed completely.

Fritschie, Dan Fritschie

I'm sitting on the couch, watching Die Another Day, one of the better Bond flick of recent years. The high water mark for me has always From Russia With Love, but I'll take a an occasional Dr. No or maybe a GoldenEye. I can't wait for Casino Royale, the one they're making right now, even though they fired Pierce Brosnan.

This kinda ties in with my post a couple days ago. I'd never make it as a spy. First of all, I have the reflexes of an aging sloth. Secondly, I'm too much of an attention whore to be undercover. Lastly, would you really want the fate of the world resting in the hands of a guy like me? A pacifist with a short fused temper (YOU IDIOT! What? Me? No, no problem here, sir...)?

You know who I wanna be? Q. however, knowing my luck, I'd end up being Q's assistant. I'd be the guy everything gets tested on. Kinda like Super Dave Osborne, but without the jumpsuit.

It did bum me out when the old Q died, but if there is ever a perfect replacement for that man, John Cleese was the first on my list. The audition would consist of one line: "Oh, grow up, 007."

A few weeks ago, I saw a BB gun at Wal-Mart that is a replica of a Walther PPK, the same gun used by James Bond. I'm thinking one day, when I've got some disposable income, I'll pick up one of those bad boys along with a soundtrack CD and set about some espionage. No matter where you go, you know there's a spy. Your job, find them!

On the other hand, I'll just end up being some nut with a BB gun. Oh well, a man can dream, can't he?

Here's one of my favorite accidental pics. Taken outside of Arnie's Bar. To the left is my friend Amanda, or at least her legs. To the right, Brian the bartender.

My pretty good day in two sentances, the rest is my anger

Another hurry up and wait kinda day, but when I got home I had a good woman to kick me right back out the door to mow the lawn, but then she bought me Steak N' Shake afterwards. God, I love that woman.

I may not have to work out anymore to help keep my heart rate up. Any channel I turn to or web site I go to is making my blood boil in my veins. Is it so hard for someone in the Bush administration to admit when they've screwed up with Hurricane Catrina. So far, two officials claimed they did nothing because they read the newspaper headlines saying the New Orleans had "dodged a bullet", but had not been able to tell the press which newspaper they had read. The newspaper?!? Didn't they happen to turn on CNN, the Weather Channel, Fox News, MSNBC, Headline News, even C-SPAN?!?

Now, the president wants to form a committee to determine who dropped the ball on this. Well, let's just start with the fact the you stayed on vaction through the storm, then went to peddle Medicare in Arizona, then suck up to the VFW in San Diego, BEFORE doing a flyby over New Orleans followed by a staged photo-op and a light lunch. Next, the mayor of New Orleans went on LIVE TV to tell the federal government to "get off your asses". People are dying, Mr. President. Most of them may be black, they might be poor, but they are suffering. Put down the lobster salad and do your job. The first rule of leadership: Everything is YOUR fault.

On a related note, did anyone catch that shot of Al Gore helping out with the refugees? He wasn't wearing a suit shaking hands, he was in the thick of it, helping people. He didn't do interviews...his reason? HE WAS TOO BUSY! We truly elected the wrong man.

This pic sums up my mood.

Code phrases I would say if I were a spy

1. The red-haired man loves his skittles.

2. Crab grass is a real problem this time of year.

3. I have microfilm in my fillings-oh, wait...

4. I wish to commune with the king of the monkey people.

5. The password is 1-2-3-4-5.

6. If we don't succeed, millions of people will die, or at least be very, very uncomfortable.

7. Penguin feet eagle claw kanagroo patch book.

8. My passport? Which one?

9. I'm staying at the Ramada.

10. Could I have everyone's attention, please? I'm an undercover agent, and...aw, crap!

Too busy being lazy

Hangin out with Scott, I didn't end up getting to bed until after four. I slept in until around 11:30, whereas I fed the cats and surfed the 'net for nearly five straight hours. I spent that time just hitting the "Next Blog" button at the top of a Blogger web page sent me at random to another person's blog, and I was amazed at how many of them were Anti-Bush sites, and between the hurricane and the death of Chief Justice Rehnquist, they were all foaming at the mouth. It was great. What sets us liberals apart is that when we're pissed off is when we make the best points.

I got a call from Candy around five, saying they were on their way back, just then passing St. Louis, and they'd be home around midnight. So, I had to do the 90 mph cleaning of the house before I went to my friend's party.

The party was rather low-key. Live music, snacks, beer, etc. I saw lots of people I hadn't seen in the good part of a year, and it was nice to catch up with them. I brought a couple of bottles of my grandmother's wine, but this was a hard liquor and beer only crowd, so the wine was pretty much mine all night.

I got home around one and I crashed hard. The next thing I remember is Candy getting into bed with me. I kinda felt like a dick because I remembered I didn't leave any lights on for her.

We woke up this morning and goofed off until it was time for lunch. I went into the office to get some work done that is needed first thing tomorrow morning, only to find it never got dropped off. I went ahead and cleaned out the processor, just so I wouldn't have to worry about it this week.

This afternoon, I'm staying inside, updating both blogs and watcching the 24 marathon on A&E.

Today's pic is yet another in my "looking down inside things series": Incense holder.

The Aristocrats

Go see this movie. If your are in Tulsa, it's playing at the Circle 2 Cinema through September 15th.

It was even better than I had anticipated. The telling of the joke, which is done by up to 100 different comedians, is intercut with commentary about the joke, it's origins, it's formula, and how it works from person to person. The biggest surprise is Bob Saget, whose work on Full House and America's Funniest Home Videos has branded an image of him on the American psyche as the lamest comedian on the planet, but his telling of this, the most vulgar joke in human history, is nothing short of priceless.

What is the deal with movies this year? I just praised Bob Saget for being funny. Earlier this year, I was watching Sin City, where Mickey Rourke was in a scene with Carla Gugino's naked breasts, and God help me, I was watching him! Either I need help, or we're all witnessing the beginning of the end.

In keeping with the tone of The Aristocrats, here's a pic of a huge ass.

Kicking butt, taking names

The huge backlash I was expecting never came, thank you Lord. My boss got stuck in traffic on his way in this morning, and was flooded with phone calls all morning. He was too busy with everything needing to go out before the three day weekend that he could care less about me. I just did my job (efficiantly and flawlessly for once), and everything was gravy.

That is, until we got the call that a hot job was coming in late this afternoon that was needed bu Tuesday morning. Aw hell, Labor day was overrated anyway. Besides, I don't have much to do this weekend. Might as well do something that will MAKE me some money.

For today's pic, I'm starting to participate in the Photo Friday challenge. This is my entry for this week. Clown Nesting Dolls, as they get smaller, the get more evil. That is, depending on how evil you think clowns are to begin with.

Ah, laziness...

Today was full of work, but no motivation to get the job done other than the need to get it done. The ADD is always in full effect, but rather than giving into the temptation to goof off, I keep getting pissed off whenever a distraction came along. Creatively, I've been on auto-pilot for a while. I'm able to do whatever is needed to get done, but nothing is really inspiring me.

It's hard to admit when you've made a mistake, but I made a big one...tomorrow, I'll have to deal with the aftermath. My mantra for tonight is hiding out.

Even my fictional blog is feeling a little stale. The storyline I'm working on is something that's been bouncing around in my brain for a few years now, so the story is coming to me easily. It's an exercise in writing discipline at this point. What you see now is essentially the first draft. The great thing about this whole blog format is that I can go back and edit it if I need to later. Any feedback is welcome, folks. The link is off to the side.

Candy and her mom have made it safe and sound in Illinois. I hope they're having fun. The cats and I are doing just fine hanging out, eating junk food, watching TV. Later tonight, Arnie's Bar for beers...and friends, but mostly beer.

Speaking of which, here's today's pic...of a pint.