Quit screwing with me, brain, or I'll stab you with a q-tip

My friend Sterling once told me that I wear my heart on my sleeve because I want people to understand where I'm coming from. When he told me this, it became the single strongest realization of my life. This is why I cannot give a simple one word answer to a question. I have to explain everything, in great detail, to the point that everyone is just staring at me wondering if my train of thought has a caboose.

Another side to this is that those close to me can tell if something's wrong every time. I have the wolrd's worst poker face. I went to Arnie's last night, and the first question everyone asked me is "What's wrong?" Again, I couldn't give a simple answer.

I ended up spending a lot of time alone, not wanting to speak to anyone. At one point, my friend Kelly came up to me. She was quite tipsy and she wanted to know what's wrong. I was kinda tightlipped with her last week about what was bothering me at the time, and she suspected that there were problems between Candy and I. I had to tell her that there weren't problems like what she was thinking, but things were gonna change dramatically. See what I mean, horrible poker face. Whenever I beat around the bush, I sound like a fortune cookie.

I got home around midnight and fell right asleep. I woke up five times due to nightmares. I rarely have dreams, or at least any that I can remember, and the ones I do have/remember are ones that indicate high anxiety. I know why I had those dreams last night.

The only way I know how to handle personal stress is to have a breakdown as soon as possible. After a little panic attack, I can regroup and focus on what needs to be done. I haven't had that luxury this time around. I haven't had a chance to talk to Candy about everything, because of any number of reasons. I'm currently waiting for her to get done with her homework so I can talk to her.

I have decided that I don't care what course of action that's needed to be taken. All I want is for Candy to be healthy and happy and with me for as long as humanly possible. I love her and I really can't bear the thought of losing her.