This house...is clean.

A lot of little things in my life require some sort of catalyst to kick my ass into action. During my busy season at work, my apartment's cleanliness suffered the most. I just haven't been able to motivate myself to clean up around here for the past month and a half. Well, it took a promise I made to my friend's daughter a long time ago to get me to clean this place up.

A couple months ago, Ivy got a brand new, high end digital camera. While hanging out at their house, she was geeking out over the camera, and flippantly mentioned that she needs to go buy a tripod. I told her that I had a tripod that I haven't used but a couple times since I bought it four years ago. Knowing her love for photography, and knowing that I sure as hell wasn't gonna be using it anytime in the near future, I offered to give her the tripod.

Ever since, I have been forgetting to bring her the tripod, and have been reminded every single time. On Friday, as I was out the door to go to my buddy Tony's birthday party, Ivy got proactive and called me to remind me not to forget it. I went into the closet and retrieved the tripod, but quickly noticed that the most crucial part was missing, i.e. the part that attaches to the camera. So, I took an extra few minutes tearing the place apart to find it, but to no avail.

So, my place was beyond the level of pig sty...at least you can walk around in a pig sty. No, my apartment was looking like post-war Berlin. Saturday was too busy for me to do any substantial cleaning, but today, I had nothing better to do.

Four trash bags full of junk, three rounds of dishes, and a big pile of dirty laundry (to be done later this week...still got clean clothes left), and this place is clean...er. I still got a little bit of straightening up to do, but at least I won't be as embarrassed to have company over.

The best part? I found the missing part to the tripod. But, Ivy is off to New York for a week, so no rush in getting it to her.

And none of it was possible if a 15 year old hadn't nagged me one last time to keep my promise. Thanks, kiddo!

Back in the swing of things

Well, The big project has been printed and delivered, and the expected annual barrage of errors pointed out has amounted to a grand total of one. On one page, a page looked over and triple checked by at least four people, a woman's age got listed incorrectly. She was listed as 20, when she was actually 22. I take pride in the fact that my one slip-up was taken as a compliment.

Now, I'm back on my normal workload, and I am very thankful for that. My only problem is deadlines, which are being met as quickly as I can meet them. My clients are understanding of my situation and I'm glad they are being so flexible. It saves me the time and energy explaining to them that human cloning has been outlawed or that state labor laws prohibit the use of magical pixies.

I've been taking some steps to re-regulating my sleep schedule, but it's proven a bit difficult with my increasingly active social schedule.

Thursday night was my regular Guinness night, and I wound up closing down the bar. It became all too clear how hard I've been working lately with the number of "Long time no see" greetings I got down at Arnie's.

A good friend of mine invited me to tag along on a road trip to Seattle at the end of July. I told him I'd have to check with my boss about taking a week off. Unfortunately, just moments before I was to talk to my boss(es), my assistant put in his two-week notice. Seattle can wait, though. Besides, I'd miss my friends playing at D-Fest.

Friday night was the midnight movie at the Circle, and I enjoyed myself a little Donnie Darko. I had never seen it before, which makes the compliments I received for the poster advertising the screening all that much better. Apparently I don't need to know that much about what I'm advertising to get people to come along with me.

As for the movie, I really liked it. It's the kind of movie I could imagine myself writing...if I had been reading Graham Greene while watching Evil Dead after taking a heroic dose of 'shrooms.

Saturday night was Old Crow Confessions. For the uninitiated, Confessions is like a really drunk town hall meeting. Everyone in attendance is invited to participate, stepping up to take a swig of cheap whiskey and confess their sins, fears, rants and raves in a judgment free environment. I got up a couple time to get a couple things off my chest and it felt great to do so. Sure, I'd like to tell you more, but the rule is that what's said there, stays there.

Sunday night was my debut at Comedy Night at the Nightingale. This being my third time doing stand-up and my third time with all-new material. My challenge to myself is to do one more set of original material before I start repeating myself. This time around, I tackled relationships, and my set went really well. Now, I'm working on a whole set about my troubles finding a new car. It's shaping up pretty well, and I'll be able to try it out when I go up at open mic night next Wednesday.

After the show, we headed down to Caz's for a few post-show beers, and it was a lot of fun. I was still riding on the adrenaline of being on-stage, and, feeling bold, I started hitting on a woman at the bar. True to my shy nature, I didn't take it too far. Just enough to send out a vibe.

About the time I was debating whether or not to go home and get some sleep, a woman walked in that looked a lot like a woman I met very recently. I nudged a buddy of mine who knows the girl I was thinking of and he looked and said that it wasn't her. So, I finished my beer, tabbed out at the bar and lo and behold, it was the girl I was thinking she was. So we chatted for a short while, but I was getting too tired and politely excused myself to get some sleep.

And so, a new work week began this morning, and everything appears to be running smoothly...for now. But, I've gotten used to the fight-or-flight response first thing in the morning, so things should be fine in the long run.

My day off with Indy

83:20. That was my total on hours this past week. I clocked out at 4:00 on Sunday with the big project 99.9% done. I just have to hit print on a few final pages Tuesday morning and I can get back to the normal work load.

So, I had the day off today. I paid off my massive sleep debt, and for the first time in almost a month, I haven't had jack shit to do...except go see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

My review of the film in two words: It'll do.

In five words? Great but far from perfect.

The action scenes were really good. I do love me some attacking howler monkeys and big frickin' ants swarming over bad bad guys. The plot lines, on the other hand, ran just a little too smoothly for my taste, but I can forgive that. They had a lot of ground to cover in such a short amount of time. Sure, I could pick it all apart, making a list of other ways they could've gotten it all done, but this way was just as effective as anything this armchair director could've done.

I'll do my best to keep the spoilers to a minimum.

The only thing that really bugs me, though, is the one thing missing from this installment that the other three had: a moment of genuine self-sacrifice.

In Raiders, Indy threatened to blow up the arc with a bazooka if the Nazis didn't release Marion, sacrificing a great artifact for the woman he loves. In Temple of Doom, he cut the rope bridge. In Last Crusade, we got a triple shot: Indy ran the gauntlet to save his father, took the leap of faith, and ultimately allowed the grail to slip away.

Crystal Skull just didn't have a moment like that. It followed a formula closer to an episode of Young Indiana Jones Chronicles than it did the other three movies. Don't get me wrong, the movie worked, but not quite like the other movies did.

But Spielberg did keep the movie square in the same visual style of the other movies. It still had that timeless Saturday afternoon serial feel to it. Having the movie set in the fifties was a nice touch. It help deal with Indy's advancing age, and setting the film in the middle of the red scare not only allowed for a new kind of enemy for Indy to face, but also a new world for him to prove himself a hero.

I agree with my buddy Corey that the best thing they could've done differently in the marketing of the film was to keep Marion out of all of the trailers. Watching the movie, her entrance would've been one of the greatest surprises in film history. However, that would've been next to impossible given her role in the film. Every great action sequence had her in it, and short of filming alternate takes without her or airbrushing her out for the trailers would not have been an easy task.

Personally, I blame George Lucas on that one. He's passed up this kind of opportunity before. Remember the trailers for Episode I? Imagine how kick-ass it would've been to not see Darth Maul's two-ended light saber until you saw the movie? Or maybe not have released the tie-in books, soundtrack with song titles that gave away the plot, and all of the toys with character descriptions on the packaging a full month before the opening of the film?

But what's done is done. Indy's back, and in the end, I'm grateful.

Update

I clocked out of work today with nearly 72 hours for the week. I left at around 3:30, and ever since then, it has seemed like time has stood still. I'm getting some cleaning done around the house, and every time I look at the clock it's only a few minutes later than the last time I looked. Maybe it's because my body has been so hopped up on caffeine for the past week that I'm still in superhuman speed mode, or maybe it's just a gift from the Gods to reward me on my afternoon off.

The big project is going smoother and rougher than it ever has. My new assistant has really kicked ass on his part of the project. Thanks to him, we're a week ahead of schedule on overall production. I, on the other hand, have been making up time all week, and currently I'm still a few days behind. Another week of 14 hour days should take care of it. It's been hard, seeing as I've had a full workload in my other duties with no relief in the immediate future. I've only been able to touch the big project after hours.

It's been long, hard work, and despite the 72 hours, I've managed to spend time with my friends, which has kept me from going completely mental. Unfortunately that hasn't helped with sleep. I decided to go out for a couple beers on Thursday and wound up staying out just as late as I had the previous three nights.

Friday, I hung out with my friends at the Blue Dome Arts Festival. For reasons beyond me, I decided to walk there from home. It was only about 15 blocks, but being sleep deprived and out of shape, it could just as well been Mount Everest. Plus, having to walk through Mayfest to get there wasn't exactly a picnic. But after sitting down for a few minutes, I got a huge rush of energy that sustained me throughout the rest of the night.

I got off work Saturday around 7:00, and went back down to Blue Dome to see Cairde na Gael play. This time I drove. Three Penny Upright played later in the night at Club 209, and afterwards, we all went to IHOP for what wound up being an ill-advised batch of stuffed french toast surrounded by some of the most trashiest people ever gathered in one place. The whole place smelled of pancake batter, Axe body spray and defeat.

Today was pretty easy given the workload. I got a few more pages done on the project, and I currently stand at 60% done. Back at it tomorrow.

On doing stand-up

On Wednesday, I went up for my second time doing stand-up. It went a lot smoother this time. A little too smooth. The thing is, on open mic night, you get four minutes. This posed a challenge for me because (and anyone who has read this blog can tell) I'm not really good at putting a limit on my words. My writing process has had to adapt to this new format.

Most of it stays the same. I start with the basic subject. Then, I make a list of items I want to cover. I make a list of what I find funny about them. Now comes the hard part for my writing style: Whittling it down.

It's gotten easier the more I do it, but there's still the factor of time. Four minutes. What I've learned the hard way is that on stage, Earth time goes completely out the window. I've written and performed two different sets, and both times I've practiced it over and over again in the car, at home, during smoke breaks at work and I had both sets I had perfectly timed to fill those four minutes. When I'm on stage, I get a light from the back of the room telling me I have thirty seconds left. If that light flashes again, it means I've gone over those four minutes.

The first time I went up, I finished my set just after the first light. The second time, I was at a handicap. I had a bit that required a small sight gag that I knew wasn't gonna work well while wearing my glasses, so I was more or less blind to any light I got from the back. I finished my prepared set, and made my exit. What I was sure was a solid four minutes turned out to be 3:20 in stage time. The remedy is simple, I need to work on some optional filler material.

I've decided that I'm gonna write material for at least two more sets before I start repeating myself. I'm still trying to find my schtick. As I get more comfortable being on stage, it'd be easier for me to work on that. As it stands, my nervousness on stage still shows, and I've found myself delivering my lines kinda deadpan, which thankfully works with the material. The sight gag worked differently than I thought it would, but it worked nonetheless.

Working on new material, I realize that each joke falls under one of four categories:

1. It's funny because it's true.
2. It's funny because I'm exaggerating.
3. It's funny because I'm lying my ass off.
4. That sounded a lot funnier in my head (usually not discovered until performed in front of a crowd).

So far, I've covered having hippy parents, getting over the flu, my greatest fears in life, addiction to television and crime scene investigators. I want to work on more personal stuff, like relationships...because, let's face it, most of my past relationships = comic goldmine. The challenge in writing that material is trying not to sound too bitter. I like to think I've moved past all that, but I run the risk of my funny time to turn into some sort of a pity party.

Due to my increasingly hectic work schedule over the next month, I'm gonna step away from stand-up for a few weeks. I could make the time, but I'd be too prone to just bitch about work in my act. Plus, being sleep-deprived would kinda screw with my energy on stage, don't you think?

Amazing

I witnessed something truly remarkable today. I had to stop by this one check-cashing place today to pay my gas bill. The guy in line in front of me was waiting for approval for his payday advance loan. All the while, he's flirting with the girl behind the counter, and even managed to get her phone number.

That, my friends, is a man of confidence. He's not gonna let the fact that he's broke as hell get in the way of getting laid.

I left that place filled with hope.

Brief update

Posts are gonna be few and far between until at least June, as the busy season is ramping up at work. Plus, I have a lot more items on my social calendar, and I've developed quite an addiction to Facebook.

The stakes are a bit higher this year at work. The big project of the year is gonna be bigger, plus my support team of ONE PERSON is strictly part-time. Oh well, tons of overtime just in time for a new car payment.

Speaking of which, the truck is giving me many more kicks in the ass to get something new in the vehicle department. I don't know why, but it seems that every time that truck breaks down is on a Thursday night (which assures me that it'll be in the shop all the following weekend), and also when I'm on my way home from the grocery store (assuring possible spoilage of anything perishable).

So, this weekend I was dependent on others for transportation, when I wasn't doing some serious spring cleaning at home. This place is nearly sterile. All I have left is to put up my clothes and some dishes and I will have a spic-and-span homestead.

And now, I have to cut this post short, as there is a huge thunderstorm building outside, and I gotta power this computer down.

Fritschie: Comedian

Tonight, I made good on my resolution to do something incredibly scary. In fact, it scared the living shit out of me until the moment I stepped up and did it. Now, I can say that I have done stand-up comedy.

For the past few weeks, I've been taking part in my friend Corey's stand-up workshop. Mostly, I've been observing the process of writing, performing, polishing and performing it better. I've been writing my material, practicing in the car, getting notes from the folks in workshop, and getting everything committed to memory.

Tonight, I put my name on the list. There were three people with reserved slots on open mic night, and all those who were left drew numbers for the remaining four slots (#4-#7). Given the number of comics drawing numbers, I thought my chances for a reprieve were pretty good.

I got slot number #5. Time to cowboy up, Fritschie!

I went outside and chain smoked until the show began. I tried my damnedest to recalll what I used to do in high school drama to ease my nerves and overcome stage fright. Nothing was coming to mind. I went over my act in my head and made sure I had it all down pat.

The first two comedians got up and did a great job. They got the crowd fired up. My nerves were settling quite a bit. Then the third comic got up and...Dear God, he was awful. The silence from the audience actually seemed like negative noise, in that it absorbed any and all sound in the room. It was death. I thanked my lucky stars that I didn't have to immediately follow that guy, but I needed a miracle to get the crowd back to laugh mode.

The emcee pulled it off, and the next comic brought everyone back in our favor. I stood by the stage waiting for my time, and my knees started to shake uncontrollably. When my name was called, I took one step on the stage, and all my nervous energy shifted into the sarcastic vibe I needed for the act.

I joked about growing up in Arkansas with pseudo-hippie parents, smoking pot, having the flu and Nyquil, and it went amazingly well. Practicing these bits, I had it all down to a trim four minutes, but in delivering it on stage, I got it all in at 3:45. I kinda choked on my closer, but overall, I did great...enough to want to do it again and again.

Now, I'm making the point to write one joke per day and try to polish them up into future bits. This is gonna get interesting.

Busy busy busy

16 days since my last post..a new record. I've been kinda swamped. Here are the highlights:

- I've joined a stand-up workshop, and my debut as a comedian should be coming up in the next couple weeks. I'm just taking my time right now, getting a feel for writing the material, and practicing like mad so that my first set will go a smoothly as possible. More on this as it develops.

- Work is ramping up for the busy season, and all of the usual clients are starting to get anxious. Fortunately, I have a new assistant, and a new company policy that dictates that whomever wrote up the order is to be the main contact with the client. So, that buys me some time to get some work done.

- One last round of publicity for the art show. We sold a second piece, and we're planning a silent auction for the last full night of the show. How's this for perfect: That night is not only midnight movie night with Wild At Heart, but earlier in the evening, they'll be showing the new George Romero zombie flick Diary of the Dead. The auction begins at 9:00 and bids will be accepted until just before midnight. I'll be going in to OklaTravelNet for another segment on the show and to plug the auction. I'm hoping to have this go out with a bang.

- I helped out at Arnie's Bar for St. Patrick's Day. It was a two-night event; Saturday and Monday. Saturday, I worked the front door until we reached capacity, at which point I was stationed at the back door making sure not to let anyone in until someone else exited. Monday, I was at the main gate outside keeping people from leaving with alcohol. It was an exhausting experience, and I had to be a real asshole to a lot of people, but I was commended for being more diplomatic than most people would have been in my position.

Monday night was particular fun just seeing how many phrases I could come up with in lieu of no alcohol beyond this point. The ones I was particularly proud of were "Kill it or spill it!", "Down it or dump it!", "Chug it or chuck it!" and "Toss it back or toss it out!"

- Tonight, I'm still undecided on going to Arnie's. I've been out every night for the past week, and the sleep debt is building up interest. I may go down for a short while, but if i do, I gotta stay home tomorrow night and get some sleep.

In the meantime, Lost is on in five, four, three, two, one...

Bad grades all around

I tend to grade the people I deal with on a daily basis. I base my grade on their ability to carry themselves through their daily lives, and their ability to make reasonable, intelligent and logical choices. There are bonus points for inspiring others to better themselves, as well as demerits for being a dumbass or an asshole. The Dalai Lama ranks in the high 90's, while Bill O'Reilly barely even registers.

Sure, this kinda paints a portrait of me as an elitist snob, but please keep in mind that I grade myself somewhere around 70%.

My point in telling you this (and by you I mean the 18 people a day that actually read my little diatribes), is that it's just a flimsy pretext to convey to you the kind of people I have had to deal with for the past few days; the average grade seems to be around 20%. Of course, I could just say that people are fucking stupid, but I've never been a traveler of the path of least resistance.

Yesterday, I had to deal with a man who, to put it lightly, couldn't find his own ass with a map, both hands and a sherpa. The man has been to our office five times, and has had to call for directions every time. Incidentally, the man is a minister. Not to say that all men of the cloth are this absent-minded, but it made me laugh to think that while it is commendable to give one's life to the Lord, I don't think basic memory skills were part of the contract.

Anyway, the guy nitpicked his most recent job to death. No detail was insignificant, something always had to be wrong, and it was his duty to find it. We went over everything with this guy, from paper stock, to ink colors, to fonts...everything. We proofed it on the computer monitor, black and white prints, color prints, email... making dozens of little tweaks along the way... on a business card. We finally got the layout approved, we got the cards printed, he signed for them, paid his bill and left.

Yesterday, he called back wanting to print them again, with more changes, and he wanted them done for free. They just weren't what he had in mind, and apparently, it was my fault. Nevertheless, he's gonna keep and use the old cards. This is equivalent to going to Wal-Mart, buying a full cart load of things you know you don't want, and instead of returning the items or not paying for them in the first place, you just leave the items at home and kick the greeter in the nuts. GRADE: 15%

There was another job that was proofed at least a dozen times, by six different people, over the course of two months, and the mistakes weren't noticed until it was printed and handed out to at least 200 people. Each person who looked at this thing had control over their own segment of brochure, and each person is an intelligent person I've worked with before, but no one looked at any other part. So, details got overlooked. Gee, I want to be on a committee someday, just so I can be forgiven of the responsibility of reading every thing that gets put in front of me. GRADE: (Individuals on average) 80%, (as a committee) 10%

Today at lunch, I hit the drive-thru at Braums for a bacon cheeseburger combo. The fries were still frozen in the center and a crucial part of the burger was missing... namely the burger patty. I'm glad I got impatient and decided to try and eat on the way back to the office. That way, I just had to backtrack about a block to return the iced potatoes and the worst BLT on the planet. The trainee who made the food just giggled. GRADE: 12%

On the way back home tonight, a man made a right turn at a busy intersection... from the left turn lane... on a red light... and had the nerve to be pissed at the person that hit him. GRADE: 2%

Playing online poker tonight, I wasn't paying attention to what buttons I was pressing, and went all in with an 8 high. I got beat by a pair of twos. GRADE: 1% if I was using a pay-to-play site, but thankfully I wasn't.

Oh well, maybe tomorrow, the grades will be higher.