Fritschie, now available in healthy!

I haven't posted in a while, and the main reason for that is because I quit smoking. And, until I got used to the idea of not having a cigarette in my hand at any given moment, i had to detach myself from certain activities that lent themselves to the activity of chain-smoking, such as sitting at my computer for hours on end and goofing off on the internet. Hell, the average blog post wasted away at least a quarter of a pack of Camels. Little by little, I'm re-introducing those activities back into my life, always careful not to give into the temptation to run around the corner to QuikTrip for a fresh pack.

I've also adopted some new philosophies in my life, namely the idea that anything is bugging the living crap out of me at any given moment should be purged as quickly as possible... within reason, of course. Case in point, I cut off my long hair. I did that last Thursday. I went right up to the counter at the barber shop, looked the lady right in the eye, pointed at my hair and said, "Make this go bye-bye."

Her response, "Did your girlfriend put you up to this?" And her face kinda lit up when I told her I didn't have a girlfriend. But, I didn't take it any further than the haircut.

Another reason for not posting was that I didn't want to bore your guys with constant bitching about wanting a cigarette, which I firmly believe is why all of my previous attempts have failed.

In case you were wondering, here's a progress update: Doing great. It's been nearly two weeks on the patch, with Altoids and chewing gum for extra strong cravings...and if all else fails, I punch the cat. Fortunate for Chuckles, the cravings haven't been that strong. I also made sure that I got the name brand Nicoderm patches, and not the cheaper store-brand versions, whose dramatically lower price has me convinced they are nothing more than Scotch tape that's been licked by a three-pack-a-day smoker.

And I've only cheated once. Wait, I can explain:

On this past Tuesday, I left for work without putting on the Nicoderm patch. I tried to make it through the day without any nicotine in my system, but I couldn't. Work was too hectic to allow for me to run home for lunch and put on a fresh patch, and putting one on at night would've ensured a massive surge into my bloodstream too close to bedtime, and I've come to like my sleep. Plus, with the stress of my workload that day, it had come down to a choice between a cigarette or triple homicide. I actually only wanted to kill one person in particular, but... you know... there can't be any witnesses.

So, I bummed a smoke from my neighbor, and the head rush I got from the first drag led to me promising to name my first child after him. Sure, it tasted like hickory-smoked skunk hair, but it was soooooo worth it. That flood of precious carcinogens had my brain swimming, and I felt like I was kissing God. But, in the morning, I was back on the wagon. No harm, no foul.

I've also been transplanting that bad habit with a new, healthy one: I've been going for walks down at the River Parks. Granted, since getting my sense of smell back, walking around downstream from industrial plants with the low waterline leaving the nastiness fairly concentrated, hasn't been that much of a treat, but that has only helped quicken my pace a bit.

I started out small, a little over two miles per walk, but now I'm up to about five miles four to five times a week. It keeps my mind clear, and I've dropped a couple of pounds as a result. Once I drop a few more pounds, then I'll introduce a little jogging and running into the routine. I've also been capping off my walks with a few push-ups and ab crunches.

Walking around the River Parks have also afforded me new opportunities to witness some truly fucked-up things. For instance, there was the guy the other day who yelled at me to mind my own business because I happened to be walking past while he was fingering his girlfriend on a public park bench. I told him, "Sorry, pal, I didn't see the sign back there that said 'CAUTION: Dumbass reaching third base ahead'." Needless to say, at that moment, I quickly added wind sprints to my exercise routine to escape a thorough ass kicking.

There was also the impromptu recumbent-bicycle race I witnessed yesterday; five guys going as fast as they can on bikes that just screamed, "Why yes, I do work as a LINUX programmer! Why do you ask?"

Then there is the morbidly obese couple on the tandem bike that I see almost every time I go out there...really stretching the definition of the term bicycle-built-for-two. All I can do is just marvel at the tensile strength of bicycle frames nowadays.

Finally, and this is just an overall observation: What is truly great about the River Parks is that there are no real social mores in place here. Sure, everybody is really friendly, but looking at some of the things that go on there, I can't help but laugh at the thought that you can do pretty much anything you want, wear anything you want, as long as you make it look like you're getting some form of exercise. At any given moment, you might see some guy running in place, checking his pulse, with a lit cigarette in his hand. You might see a guy testing out his new homemade skateboard, which consists of a palette skid with furniture wheels nailed to it. I keep expecting to come across someone who sees absolutely no problem with practicing his javelin toss near the playground.

Yep, the River Parks...Comic goldmine.