Preparing my delivery for the line "Good evening, Mr. Bond."

Months ago, I posted about how I would make a horrible spy. However, with the discovery that at any given moment you can find a James Bond flick somewhere on digital cable, I feel pretty confident I might make a good Bond villian. I've determined that all I need is:

1. Ambition.

2. An elaborate plan to get what you want.

3. A compulsive need to tell you enemies about your elaborate plan...perfect for me because I can't shut up about anything!

4. A cat to pet while you're planning your dastardly deeds (optional).

And here's where I run into some snags:

5. Access to some vital infrastructure, such as water supply, gold stockholds, bank servers, etc.

6. Massive amounts of capital for which to fund my plan. Now that my credit rating is on the mend, I could try for some sort of loan..."Hey, approve this loan and I'll make it worth you're while, or at least let you live."

7. Some leggy, large breasted blonde to be my right hand (Steve, add sleazy joke here)

8. An army of mercenaries. Of course, I got a few buddies who could be persuaded with pizza and beer...

Hey, it's something for me to work on.