Say anything about Jerry Maguire

I was at my desk today when I suddenly flashed on two movies: Jerry Maguire and Say Anything. I have no idea why these two movie popped up at the same time. I haven't seen either of them in years.

The more I thought about it, the two films had three things in common: 1) Same writer/director (Cameron Crowe) 2) Cameos by Crowe's friends and family (Eric Stoltz, Crowe's mother, etc.), and 3) A similar theme, in this case being with someone because of them or just the idea of having someone there.

I kept on doing my work, but that last thought kept haunting me. Recently, I've felt like I've needed to be alone. Until now, I kept telling people and myself that it's that I've gone from working my ass off on one project, to working my ass off on all the work lined up behind it, all the while packing up all of my stuff and moving into a new place. That was a lot of change to have happen in such a short period of time and I believed I was having trouble adjusting to it.

That point was very valid...and very true. Yet, there was something underneath that made me uneasy about that being the sole explanation to my malaise. When I flashed on those two movies today, and that common theme, it hit me. the real change I need to adjust to is being alone. When Candy and I broke up, I never had that adjustment period where I was by myself, able to identify myself as a singular person. We were still roommates, and while there was no ill will, no bad blood between us, I found comfort in having her around; having someone there to talk to at the end of the day.

I had to break things off with Libby recently. There are many reasons for this, but I will not speak of fault here in order to prevent a flood of emails and text messages from her arguing about it. Suffice to say, I told her I want to be left alone. I realize now why that really is for the best. Even if things were to work out, there's no way I feel I could be around her without deep down having it all be about just having someone around.

So, in keeping with the spirit of last night's post, my new dastardly plan is to become comfortable with me before I can have someone else in my life. Now that I've had this realization, I have this ambition to better myself.There's one and two on last night's list. This blog covers number three on the list, and as Chuckles the cat figure eights around my ankles, I'm four for four.

Number five doesn't apply, although getting lost on the internet and in digital cable could count. My bank balance is dwindling, so number six is out. Number seven? Let's not go there right now. Number eight, I'll have my friends to lean on in this quest. So technically, I got about about five and a half out of eight.

The odds are pretty good now, particularly if you take what G.I. Joe used to say, "Knowing is half the battle."