Square Three, redefined

So much for my vow to not go a week without posting.

So, I got through the big project, got caught up with all of the work lined up behind it, got through the garage sale, and packing up everything I owned (and a whole lot more that I didn't know I owned), moved and unpacked it in my new place. The end result being that I have lost about twenty pounds due to the stress and heavy lifting, I'm burned out, and now I have to adjust to life on my own (if you don't count Chuck the cat), a new tighter budget and (on the up-side) digital cable with DVR.

Sunday afternoon I said goodbye to Candy and saw her on her way to Oregon. Even though we got to discuss the nature of our relationship when we were interviewed for People, it was really hard when she left. As I discovered, she was much more to me than an ex-girlfriend or a roommate. She was really there for me, and it was really hard for me to finally realize that I wouldn't have her there to listen to me rant when I had a bad day or laugh with me when I told her of the strange things that were happening around me. The conversations I shared with her on a daily basis were, essentially, the first drafts of what you read here on the blog.

The only thing that kept me from breaking down was walking inside and realizing all of the cleaning that was left at the old place. Candy took the good vacuum cleaner with her, and I was left with the task of cleaning up the final rooms with my little stick-vac...having to stop every three or four square feet to empty out all of the cat hair.

I took Monday off to take care of the last of the stuff: cleaning the kitchen, moving the last of my stuff, doing the last of my laundry, etc. I unpacked my last box at around 10 that night, hung up all of my pictures and settled in for my first night in my new complete home.

The adjusting to my new lifestyle might take a while. This kind of major change in my life has caused me to designate it as Square Three. This was a long time coming, yet I had very little time to fully realize the impact this would have on my life until I had a moment to catch my breath after the last box was unpacked.

As for now, everything I do seems alien. Even things I used to love to do feels weird. Once I get the hang of things, I feel like I'll emerge from this latest funk a different man. A better man, who's better organized, more mature, wiser, and a man who knows what he wants out of life rather than constantly adding to a list of what he doesn't want.

I know I have to do this, and I've started with this new place. I've done my best to make decisions that are more adult, more responsible. When I needed stuff for the new place, I didn't go the easy route. I could've bought the cheap silverware at Target that would've broken within a year, but instead I found service for twelve at Foley's plus a full set of knives that will last me forever (and at 75% off, mind you). I actually made a point of getting a new bath mat that actually matches my shower! I feel like I need to take up skeet shooting just to reclaim some masculinity back to my soul.