The Bush Drinking Game

I just watched Bush's address on TV, and I did what I normally do during one of his speeches: I make a checklist of certain words and counted how many times he utters those words during the speech. I like to imagine it as an imaginary drinking game.

If you were a man of average body weight (approx 180 lbs), and you took a shot of whiskey every time he said either "Iraq" or "Iraqi", then you would have a blood alcohol level of 1.474 after the 17 minutes and 20 seconds of his speech had ended. Most breathalyzers max out at .4, which is a lethal blood alcohol level. 1.474 BAL not only means that you would be dead more than three times over, but your entire blood supply has been replaced with alcohol, and about half of your body weight in alcohol had been added on to that. Embalmed corpses are more sober than you would be in this situation.

However, if you drank for either Freedom/Free/Freely, Terror/Terrorism/Terrorist(s) or al Qaeda , you'd have a .261 BAL...Still blotto, but at least you'd be alive. If you had gone with 9/11, you wouldn't even
be buzzed, as he only mentioned it once. "Iran" would have barely passed a DUI test at .074 BAL.

Of course, just for fun, I estimated that if you drank every time he said the word "the", you would have a BAL of 4.414, which is enough alcohol to get 73 people fairly buzzed.


And now for something equally silly: Here is the first two paragraphs of Bush's speech brought into Google Translate, translated into Japanese and back to English:

It is dense, it is, it is. With life of all free nations, the time direction of the country is decided there, quality of the people is made clear, it comes. We now are that kind of time. In Iraq, as for American ally it fights for continuing. The extreme house and the terrorist who in the world is our wars make the Iraqi government be shaken with home, control area, in order to attack us here, endeavor. If the democracy whose Iraq is young can turn these enemies, a more promising Middle East and a safer America is meant. This ally made reliance the United States. And tonight, us being moral, strategic order is one: We Iraq threaten future and must help the fact that it is defeated those which in addition threaten our ones. 8 months ago, we are new the Armed Forces of the United States who reaches to the complete strength of June adopted the maneuvers in order to serve to the purpose which includes the surge. The maneuvers how concerning whether it is progressive, this week of Ambassador Crocker also General Petraeus, the leader and the ambassador proved before the national assembly. With their proof, as for these people our challenge of Iraq being stiff it made clearly. However, they put out the conclusion to which the Iraqi condition where the surge of thing, and the troop where we have grasped the pioneer from the enemy works is revised gently. Prerequisite of our maneuvers is the foundation for the other all progress which that you have stopped the Iraqi population securely is. Connecting the believer for the Iraqi person divides, as for those it is necessary to be moved by safely at the house and neighborhood. The Iraqi person not needing the factional one group for guaranteeing is convinced must feel for the constant reconciliation which takes the root. It is to help preparation in order purpose of the surge offers the guarantee, to maintain that of the Iraqi troop. Because I explain tonight, it makes that our successes of the thing which serves to these purposes have and begin now us some person of the house our troop possible.