Gotta do something

On his first week on the job, an old friend of mine made a costly mistake. Being new to the job, he was sure he'd be fired, so he tried to make a preemptive strike and resign. His boss wouldn't accept it, telling him that he wouldn't let him quit after having just spent so much money teaching him an important lesson.

We fall. We pick ourselves up. That's simple logic. I've fallen many times in my life and I'm thankful that They've all been from fairly short heights...if you look at the big picture. That hasn't stopped me from bullshitting myself into thinking it's worse than it actually was. Sound and fury signifying nothing.

I got to thinking today about some of the mistakes I've made in my life, and I'm left uncertain on most of them. Have I just been that good at assessing the potential risks and steering clear of them? Have I just been that bad at taking the bigger risks for fear of failing? Or, have I just been lucky?

The only conclusion I've come to is that I tend to take the safe route. Even when I've failed, I've done what's expected of me, what's been recommended to me or what I've seen others do with success. The only times I've never allowed myself to be talked out of a risky situation is when I've been absolutely certain I was right, and my motivation in that situation has been simply to piss off my detractors. Of course, that last category has been been a pretty small wedge on the pie chart that is my life.

I'm not suggesting that I should try cranking the knob to eleven on the risk-o-meter. There are no fight clubs or project mayhems in my future because I bruise easily and my insurance rates are high enough as it is. I'm not gonna quit my job, leave my life behind and walk the earth because, let's face it, I'd get winded before I reach the end of the block and be bitching about the foot blisters for a week and a half. However, leading an altogether safe life can get pretty fucking boring after a while.

I guess after the camping trip this past weekend and the good vibes I felt in that experience, I'm left wanting a bit more than I've been giving myself lately. I returned home from that trip exhausted and dirty as hell, but spiritually I felt like a million bucks. Looking back on it all, I didn't risk much. Sure, I spent a little more money than I had planned on supplies, killed more than a few brain cells with whiskey, not to mention wrenched my back a bit sleeping on that lumpy ground...but if I hadn't gone, I probably would've spent most of that time on my ass watching TV. I went because an opportunity presented itself to do something I hadn't done in years. It was a limited time offer and I'm glad I took advantage.

I need to be more impulsive like that, because in the months (okay, years) leading up to last weekend, most of my impulsive nature has been limited to the bargain DVD rack at Target. the video games at the laundromat and the super-size option at that drive-thru. One of the things I came to realize during my trip was that I may not need to ramp up my impulsiveness, but rather re-channel it into more fruitful pursuits.

Unfortunately, my mind's drawing a blank on what I could do to that effect. Apparently, mediocrity is a tough habit to break.