Take off all that make-up, you look like an attention whore.

HA!!! I first read about this story this morning, long before she fessed up. A McCain volunteer claiming to be attacked, robbed and sexually assaulted by someone rooting for Obama. From the start, I smelled bullshit. I wasn't 100% sure, but I had the following suspicions:

1. In the history of humankind, when has there ever been a politically-motivated ATM mugging?

2. Even if the attacker was using a Gerber spoon, during the kind of attack she described in the police report, I marveled at his ability to not break the skin. That was a steady hand for a guy pumping adrenalin.

3. An attacker articulate enough to tell his victim "You will be a Barack Obama supporter." is apparently not intelligent to wrote the B the right way. On the other hand, maybe he screwed up, and human skin isn't the most forgiving medium.

4. No swelling, no bloodshot eye, no redness around the way-too-dark-too-soon bruise. Who'd she get to do her make-up, An emo noob?

5. The story first broke on the Drudge Report, and the photo was first posted on an anti-Obama website. It's as if Christmas came early for the wingnuts and hours later turned into April Fool's Day. When it came out as a hoax, no retractions. Drudge (which is the most apt name for the bottom-feeding hack that he is) just moved it down from the banner headline and the blog deleted the post altogether (which hasn't stopped people from flooding them with comments).

6. If you ever decide to fake an attack, shouldn't you come up with a crime scene that doesn't have constant video surveillance? I mean, an ATM? What part of this part of your story did you not think was gonna come back and bite you on the ass?

7. At least the fake mugger kept his message simple. I would've called bullshit far sooner if the guy itemized the issues during the attack. "This is for McCain's support of Big Oil! This is for wanting to raise my taxes! Here's what I think of your fucking $5,000 heath care voucher!"

8. One comment on the now-deleted blog post the picture originated from stated that the mugger might have suffered from "Mirror Vision", which supposedly means that the mugger wrote it backwards because he see things backwards. Well, if he saw things backwards, wouldn't he write the B the same way he always sees it, which is the same way we all write it? Likewise, the color I perceive to be blue may actually appear to you as what I would call red, but we both acknowledge it as the color blue. It's a basic principle of perception I have discussed with many people many times before, granted while immensely stoned.

While I'm on basic principles of perception, Might I remind people of ongoing case of the Court of Public Opinion vs. Mob Mentality? You see, upon hearing of such an attack people on both sides get fired up, offensively and defensively. And regardless of when the hoax is revealed, both sides are gonna still want someone's head on a platter and they'll settle for anyone.

Most people who were on this woman's side in the beginning are now split into two groups: those condemning her actions and calling for her head, and those using the exposure of the hoax as an example of the liberal media elite trying to bring a good woman down with their pesky facts and logical reasoning. And on the opposite side of the spectrum, we've got the people who cried bullshit in the beginning reveling in being right all along, and the ultra-defensive people crying conspiracy from McCain and Palin directly.

I, for one, called bullshit for one reason: It was a flimsy story with multiple plot holes that would've had a hard time making it past the table read for a 70's Mexican soap opera. This was an attempt at manipulation conceived, conducted and ultimately botched by a total idiot who is now being brought up on charges as a result. End of story.

And I'll leave you with this:

Hey, you know all those real issues that the McCain campaign wished you wouldn't think about? Well, distraction accomplished. At least until Monday.

UPDATE: A eighth-assed attempt at a backpedal has been posted at the blog that started it all.