Okay, I'm back

So, I've found the secret to making it through a night of working the door at a bar. Before I went in to work tonight, I stopped off at QuikTrip and got myself a Red Bull and one of those little herbal energy pill packets they have next to the register. I took one tablet at the start of my shift, another halfway through and so, it's was four in the morning before I got to sleep. They should really label those pills more truthfully: Time-release crack.

At one time, I promised myself I would try to post on the blog every day. Shortly after that promise, I made it a little more realistic...try to post at least every couple days and never go a full week without putting at least something up there. It's been exactly seven days. I'm just under the wire.

Last weekend I had a blast with my friends back in Arkansas. Only one of them knew I was coming down on Friday, so the rest were really surprised when I crashed the rehearsal dinner. These were the people I worked with at teh Wal-Mart home office for the two years I was in Arkansas. Many of them I also went to college with, so there's a lot of history shared with these folks. But what sets them apart from other people I knew at a certain time and a certain place is the fact that with them, it's not a pick-up-where-we-left-off kinda thing or a remembering-the-good-old-days thing...there's still a great connection there. And even though so much has changed in our respective lives, there's no awkwardness.

I've been thinking about this a lot this week, and I have come to this conclusion: 99 times out of a hundred, people drift apart because life takes them in different directions and many of the people you were once very close to just simply cannot follow you on that particular leg of the journey. With my friends, I feel we've avoided that ptifall because everything that has happened to us has followed a very natural progression. The friends that have hooked up as couples are all now married, those of us that once strived for something better in their lives now have that better life...no one has fallen from grace, no one has been ostracized, no one has strayed, and those of us that have left on their own joureys are still welcome back into the fold at any time for a visit.

After the wedding on Saturday, I had dinner with my friends, then opted to head back to Tulsa to catch Larkin playing at Arnie's. I drove from Northwest Arkansas non-stop to my parking space outside the bar. The place was packed. Libby was in the middle of the crowd and it took me what seemed liek forever to get through the maze of drunks to get to where she was.

Ah, Libby. I know I've been cryptic about her, but I'll try to fill you in as best I can. She and I first met on Myspace, wherein she had sent me messages asking me about the local art scene, but like an Idiot I cleaned out my emails and lost track of her when it was my turn to answer her questions. A few weeks later, i saw her at Arnie's. I was walking out as she was walking in. For a brief moment, I was gonna say something to her, but I thought that "Didn't we meet online?" was the worst pickup line I could've used.

The next day, during a lull in my work, I went online and started searching through friends' friends lists and I found her profile, so I sent her an email asking if she had been at the bar the night before. She replied yes and asked my why I didn't say something to her at the bar, so I pointed out the lousy pickup line I decided not to use. That little back-and-forth fizzled out rather quickly after that.

I ran into her at St. Patrick's Day at Arnies, and we finally spoke to each other face-to-face, even if it was just for a couple minutes. a couple days later, she sent me an email askiing me about my favorite artist, Toulouse-Lautrec. This started emails back and forth, which turned to AIM chats and finally hanging out at the bar.

Early on, I was taking the attitude of doing the thing I was most afraid of (dating) and getting scared afterwards. Surely enough, the fear reared it's ugly head, and that's what the fucked up postings last month were all about. Most of that, about 99.99%, has subsided and everything's great...except for that whole working 60 hours a week and still living with my ex-girlfriend thing, but both of those things will be fixed soon.

This is our busy season at work, and I am in full swing. I'm making it a point to keep working until all i have left are unanswered questions, rather than just finding other things to do until my eyeballs feel like they're about to dry up. That's what's gotten me so burnt out in the past...trying to solve everything and working myself to death in order to find an answer...only to find myself to be wrong the next day.

I'm preparing myself for maybe 70 hours this coming week, plus my normal shift at the bar. Is is better to burn out or to fade away? We'll know by the time June comes around.