What's my name again?

I just hope that I'm not the only one on the planet that sometimes gets so bogged down with the things that HAVE to get done that I don't recognize my own face in the mirror. Today, I got so flustered with stress that when I went to pick up the phone, I had to look down at my business card holder to remember what my name was.

It's been absolutely crazy. I get through the big project only to find ALL of the jobs waiting in line behind them. throw into the mix that I gotts be out of my duplex by the 15th and I just started my new apartment search tonight. Yesterday, I started to tackle organizing all of my stuff for the moving sale and the move. I've been fighting my pack-rat tendencies and have tried to get rid of at least 1/3 of my stuff before the move. I figured if I hadn't used it in over a year, it needs to go. But then the sentimental value sets in, or I start to rationalize keeping it and I realize I've spent thirty minutes arguing with myself over a backgammon board.

At work it's another matter. All I want to do is get it all off my desk. Quality control is paramount, but then again I just want the shit DONE! I have only a few minute in the morning to scarf down my breakfast before I have to jump on my workload like the Tazmanian Devil on meth trying to diffuse a timebomb.

All of this is taking its toll on my mind, my spirit and my interpersonal relationships. To some people I care about I've become a self-centered, short fused, unreliable asshole. I don't like being like that. Anyone who knows me understands that's not the kind of person I truly am. I must get through all of this stuff, but it's becoming harder and harder for me to believe that I'll come through unharmed. Today, I found myself washing down a multivitamin, a B-Complex, a gensing pill and a no-doz with a full can of Dr. Pepper. knowing full well that I would have to counter that with a Tylenol PM and a glass of warm milk tonight and simulatneously cursing and thanking myself for using up all of my muscle relaxers months ago.

Better living through chemistry, my ass.

In my office, stress feeds on stress. I haven't had any major confrontations with my co-workers yet, so it's difficult to determine if I'm the cause or the carrier of everyone's tension. I guess as long as I'm keeping productive, no one really cares.

I'm just trying to take it one task at a time, but even then the list just gets longer and longer. By the time I get home to take inventory of all of my belongings, I'm so worn out that I just want to cry. I keep making lists of everything I need to do/buy/sell and sometimes I forget which list is which.

I feel I'm heading for a crash. Be it emotionally, financially, romantically or other wise. I know it's gonna happen. And even the thought of that being a self-fulfilling prophecy irks the living shit out of me.