So little to say

Candy and her mom are now off to Illinois for the weekend. I'm home alone. I know what you're thinking: Internet porn? No...well maybe a little.

Actually, I'm just hanging out with the cats, updating the ol' blog, sitting on my ol' ass, doing as little as possible.

And so, I'll be brief, at least in this blog. There's a lot I need to add to my fictional blog tonight...the plot ain't gonna advance itself.

Here's today's pic. Candy and I at a "white trash" themed party back in February.

Talking to myself

Wisdom: wiz-dum (n.) The resolute knowledge that with each new day you are less of a moron than the day before.

This is gonna sound completely nuts, but every once and a while, I imagine having a conversation with my former self. I think back to a pivotal time in my life, and talk to that guy I used to be. Mostly, because I knew back at that time I was a total moron, and I know I needed some help. In these conversations, I have one rule: Don't give away any information about the future. I only offer advice on the present.

I told twelve-year-old self, a kid still reeling from the death of his father, that everything was gonna be alright. I told a confused, suicide-obsessed fifteen-year-old that he should turn off the Smiths every once and a while and live a little. A twenty-one-year old that just lost his job that something better will come along, and I gave the same advice to myself after every breakup.

Today, I think I may have done this again, but the other way. I had so much stressing me out at work, but a weird sense of calm came over me halfway through the day, like someone was pointing me in the right direction. Although, I did think this voice I heard called me a moron under his breath.

Here's today's pic: Mmmmm...cake... This was the groom's cake at my friends Wayne & Regina's wedding reception. It was almost a shame to eat it.

Gettin' paid...sorta

I wound up pulling a couple hours overtime tonight, just to try to get everything caught up before Labor Day weekend. On an average day, I go through seven or eight job tickets. Today, I went through thirteen. It makes me feel good to be that productive, even though my boss was hoping for sixteen.

And, there will be a few changes to the site here. I'm gonna try putting a few ads into the layout, in an attempt to have this blog work for me. Not that I'm planning to retire on this income, but maybe I can buy a soda and a Baby Ruth once and a while. So, do me a favor and click off to the side once and a while, maybe I can share the moderate wealth.

I'm drifting in and out of this post...CSI: Miami's on. Personally, I'm waiting for CSI: Mayberry. Lead Investigator Barney Fife: "Andy! We've got a D.B., possible 187 in Mt. Pilot. The vic's name is...Thelma Lou?!? NOOOOOO!!!"

Random thought of the day: Is there any bad situation in the world that can't be cured by surf music? "About your blood tests...I'm afraid I have some bad news, but first..." [press play] DUGA-DUGA-DUGA-DUGA-DUGA-DUGA-GGGGEEEERRROOOOWWWWW-WOW-WOW-WOW!!!

Don't believe me? Next time you're having a bad day at work, put on track two from the Pulp Fiction soundtrack, and try not to rock out.

For today's pic: money-money-money-money...MONEY!

A partial list of things I just don't understand

1. Why do cats clean themselves with their tongues, but their stomachs cannot digest the fur?

2. A 12-ounce can of Diet Pepsi has ONE calorie, but a 20-ounce bottle has TWO AND A HALF.

3. How is it that Cyndi Lauper and my mom are the same age?

4. There are some people who want to make September 11th a national holiday. What would you call it? Wouldn't it seem really stupid to have the name of the holiday be the DATE?

5. When was the last time you ever heard of a kidnapper actually getting his hands on the ransom money? Don't the cops always stake out where they make the money drop?

6. Why can't there be a diet slurpee? It's essentially just the soda syrup blended with shredded ice, so why not use the diet syrup?

7. When people protest anything, why do other people counter-protest? "WHAT DO WE WANT?" "TO DISAGREE!"

8. How does a creationist measure his own personal growth? Calling it "evolving" seems a bit hypcritical, doesn't it?

9. One of the big problems with flooding is that coffins in cemeteries float to the surface. Why then, are they air-tight and made of wood?

10. I once read a collection of movie reviews written by a white supremacist. The strange thing was, he gave a lot of good reviews, even for films featuring minorities. For instance, his review for American Pie was something like, "You gotta hand it to the Jews, they know funny jokes."


I'm taking a cue from my friend Stephen's blog. He put the word "Upskirting" on his site just so he'd get more hits from people doing a search on that word. And so, I have taken it to the next level with...shaved pussy.

Storm's a comin!

I woke up around eight (remember when we used to sleep in on Sundays?), went for a bike ride (remember NOT exercising?) and turned on the TV (...hell, the TV's always been on). Let's see...christian...christian...christian...FOX News...America's Funniest Home Videos...Ah, CNN. What's this? Hurricane's heading straight for New Orleans. Hmm, my step-grandparents live just out of New Orleans. Hey, they're showing the projected path of the storm...looks like it's heading straight for their house.

I get on the phone to call my folks in Little Rock. I ask my mom if they've heard from Jim & Sammye. She said "Of course! They're right here in our kitchen!"

At this moment, I realised my mom had told me they were coming up last time I talked to her. So, not only am I forgetful, but endearing because I showed concern for their well-being.

Motion & rest

I spent most of the day Saturday at work, finishing up the first proof of this program I've been working on all week. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, when I'll have about thirty jobs to work on in addition to the corrections to the program, as well as the slack I'll have to take up for the other artist while she works on another program.. No worries, though. It all means more overtime for me!

The other artist was supposed to come in to work yesterday, but she didn't make it in until 4:00...just as I was leaving. I just considered myself thankful she made it in at all.

After work, I played GameCube for a couple hours until Candy came home. We went shopping, grabbed some Charlie's Chicken, went home and watched Kung Fu Hustle. Damn good flick. I highly reccommend it.

Today is my lazy day. A little laundry, a little net surfing, maybe a little GameCube. I do think a Latte and some writing at Borders may be in order.

Here's a pic of my neice Emma. I swear, that girl can sleep anywhere.

What's my problem?

Wouldn't you know it? Last night, the first night back at Arnie's Bar after quitting smoking, and the damn Camel rep is there giving out free cigarettes. on the up side, Nicotine gum really kills the bitterness of Guinness.

I had a nice little misunderstanding at work today. A job ticket came into my office that is a job we do every month, and every month it gets farmed out because it's in a program that we don't have. And, without fail, every month the job comes through my office and I have to kick it back to whomever wrote it up explaining that they need to fill out the purchase order and send it out. Simple, huh?

Well, this cause all sorts of confusion because, without my knowing, my boss was wanting us to try to convert it using his software and work with it in house. I was the only one out of the loop, apparently, so you can imagine my confusion over the whole mess.

I was getting all flustered over the mess, because I was trying to focus on my current project. One of my co-workers kept asking me for information about it, and it was the same information I was needing. She mistook my confusion for attitude, threw a little fit. After a few seconds of that, I showed her what ATTITUDE from me sounds like. To which, she tried to slam the door on me...except for the doorstop she had to move AND the recycle bin that sticks out about a half an inch into the doorway, which effectively killed the impact I'm sure she was going for.

Needless to say, I was pissed. Everyone else accused me of being on the bitchy side due to the lack of Nicotine. I played right into their hands by overreacting and shouting, "IT'S NOT THE DAMN NICOTINE!!!"

At least some good came out of the whole mess. My boss came and had a word with me, and by the end, we both agreed that it was all a misunderstanding. But the real joy for me was that everyone else pretty much left me alone for the rest of the day. Finally, some time to finish this big project.

I had to leave work early to let some people into my house and install some gadgets onto our TVs and VCRs so Candy and I can be a Neilson's Family. I think I may just mess with their demographic figures a bit by leaving one of the TVs on some random channel for five days straight. "Boy, the Weather Channel's ratings in the 18-30 male demographic just skyrocketed!"

While these guys were doing their thing, I went online and checked out my credit, and applied for a debt consolidation loan with Lending Tree. I was supposed to get three offers in a few minutes, but instead, I got a message saying they'll have to crunch a few number and get back to me. The good news, My credit rating is much higher than I expected it would be. The bad news: If I were to fall victim to identity theft, it'd probably help my rating. And Consumer Credit Counseling pretty much sucks. I owe just as much on one of my credit cards as I did when I signed up with them. Way to keep up the records, jerk-offs!

Anyhoo, Candy's in class tonight, and I've got nothing but time to kill.

Here's a pic of my friend Karen...or should I say her bosums...and her attitude.

Little to report today...

I found out last night that the Aristocrats will be playing at the Circle Cinema September 2-8. Hell, yeah! I'm so ready for this. I heard there's a Q&A after the show on the 2nd. Any of my friends out there reading this, call me if you wanna go.

Other than that, not much to report.

Here's a pic of a statue about a block away from my old apartment. A big, wooden Abraham Lincoln, that's been broken and fixed at least three times.

Stupid is as stupid does...

Carlos Mencia once said, "the problem with the world is that here are too many stupid people and nobody to eat them."

After hearing a coworker complain about a the new mouse for the laptop after months of hearing her complain about having to use the trackpad...

After explaining to a client the basics of copyright law, and the odds of getting sued, he still asked me why the artwork didn't look like what he'd pulled off the internet and threw together in Microsoft Word...

After answering the question "What was your order again?" three times at the Braums drive-thru window...

...After all that, I still managed to have a fairly decent day.

I took my new bike for a ride tonight and got about a mile from my house before my chest started to tighten up. I guess my chest hasn't full rebounded from five years, eight months, seventeen days, eleven hours and thirty-five minutes of pack-a-day smoking. Tomorrow, I'll take it easy. Maybe just a walk.

Not that it has anything to with the issue of stupidity, here's a pic of who I would consider "the Man", Elvis Costello. He played at the Cain's on St. Patrick's Day. Three of my favorite local bands were playing that night at Arnie's, and it was a tough call, but Elvis won.

Treatment dictating behavior

It's been a full day of being misunderstood. Last night, I made a comment towards Candy, saying she was having a good butt day. I was complimentary and I was being cute. Her response: "Don't tell me things like that. You should know not to say things like that to me."

At times, I unwittingly step out of the role of boyfriend and am relegated to roommate status. It happens at the drop of a hat, and, much like earthquakes, can only be detected by the cats suddenly running out of the room.

Later, after going to bed, I try to bite my tongue and just let it go. It was bad enough that a serious nic-fit was coming on. Candy opened the pillow talk with "How're the cravings?" Ugh...

We chit-chat for a bit, and trail off into silence. I stare at the wall, trying not to crack under the pressure to have some nicotine. I jump out of bed and go for a walk and a piece of nicotine gum. I get home after a half-hour and crash hard.

This morning was what I was dreading since I left work yesterday. Everything the other artist screwed up on was supposed to be griped at this morning, which meant I was gonna be yelled it by proxy. But, NOTHING! She barely got a slap on the wrist! If I had screwed things up like that, My ass would've been chewed up and spit out in a heartbeat. A bit unfair, don't ya think?

This event set up my mood for the day. I was pissed all day. To top things off, one of my co-workers burnt a bag of microwave popcorn and decided to bring it into my office...I hate popcorn with a vengeance, and the fact that my sense of smell has come back in full force, so needless to say I was tweaking.

SO, everyone I encountered today was pretty much calling me an asshole. Well, I guess today I am.

Here's a pic that says it all for me today.