All I need to know I learned from the movies

During my latest meditation on trying to find some deeper meaning in my life, I made the mistake of staring in the direction of my DVD shelf. Instead of looking inward, I focused on the movies, and what they all mean to me. So, I have now compiled a list of quotes from my favorite movies...things that I find have meaning (with a little help from the Internet Movie Database):

"One man's mundane and desperate existance is anothe man's Technicolor." -Strange Days

"The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long." -Blade Runner

"Lord loves a workin' man, don't trust whitey, see a doctor and get rid of it." -The Jerk

"If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything." -Back to the Future

"No reason to stop being a lady." -As Good as It Gets

"It's not who I am that defines me, it's what I do." -Batman Begins

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." - Lord of the RIngs

"Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it." -American History X

"You know how I was supposed to feel. That person isn't me... never was. You wanted to know what it was about us that made us human. Well, you're not going to find it...[points at his head] ...in here. You were looking in the wrong place." -Dark City

"I don't know anyone who could get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They're more important than sex." -The Big Chill

"You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view." -Return of the Jedi

"My mom always says that, when she can see I'm like working something out in my head, she's like, 'you're in it right now' and I'm looking at you're telling this story, and you're definitely in it." - Garden State

"Hey, I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule." -Clerks

"I think that I am familiar with the fact that you are going to ignore this particular problem until it swims up and bites you on the ass." - Jaws

"I'm impatient with stupidity. My people have learned to live without it." - The Day the Earth Stood Still

"That's why you were standing in the chancellor's backyard spinning that "cap gun" of yours. You're fine. Yeah, you're just as fit as a fuckin' fiddle." -Wonder Boys

"Resistance is not futile, we're gonna win this thing, humankind is too good, we're not a bunch of under-achievers! We're gonna stand up, and we're gonna be human beings. We're going to get fired up about the real things, the things that matter! Creativity, and the dynamic human spirit that refuses to submit." -Waking Life

"You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry, you will someday." - American Beauty

The "because I'm bored" caption contest

I've been wanting to do this for a long time, and seeing as I can't think of anything else to write about, I'm introducing the first of many caption contests. I'll throw in my ideas, and the rest are up to you guys. Post a comment with your entry. I'll select a winner and announce it with the next contest.

My Captions:

1. Shadow puppets at gunpoint.

2. "THE ITSY BITSY SPIDER WENT UP THE WATER SPOUT!!!"

3. Much like KISS, the Blue Man Group really lost it's edge when they ditched the makeup.

Take that, Suzi from Tallahassee

I heard a report on NPR today that got me thinking. They were talking about re-juveniles, people in their 30's and 40's who take part in activities that are popular with much younger people. Grown men who play video games, adults with no kids visiting Disneyland six times a week, etc. Anyway, the first caller they took was a woman who had something to say to all of these folks: "Grow the hell up!"

She went on for a couple minutes about how she just can't stand seeing "adults" running around with their iPods, their messenger bags and their hula hoops...Okay that last one I made up. My point is, as noble as she tried to be, she really came off as a crotchety old nag.

Until today, I was a guy with a little over a month before his thirtieth birthday who was reconsidering his plan to save up for a Nintendo Wii system when it comes out. I was worried that I was approaching that time in my life where I must give up childish things, start drinking Metamucil and worrying about kids being on my lawn.

After hearing this lady on the radio today, I've decided I HAVE TO save up for that Nintendo Wii, and maybe throw in a Playstation 3 while I'm at it...just to piss that woman (well, people LIKE her) off. In my mind, one of the greatest pleasures in life is pissing off anyone who takes themselves a liiiiitttle too seriously.

But then I thought, do I really indulge in this activity enough? Aside from having a couple anti-Bush stickers on my car, I really don't. Hell, I live in a red state and in a city that IS the buckle of the Bible Belt. This place is ripe with political and religious self-righteousness, and I don't think I've done enough to truly fuck with these people.

Of course, I'm talking about subtle methods. For instance:

Whenever a televangelist asks for a donation, I should call in and suggest that he/she sell that Rolex their wearing or that Lexus they're driving. Show me a preacher who's passing the plate for a new transmission for the beat-up old church van, and I might consider throwing in a few bucks.

When a political leader is giving a public speech about some insignificant talking point flavor of the week, I should really be in the crowd holding up signs showing what they should REALLY be trying to fix. They wanna say gay marriage is an important issue, they get a poster of a dead soldier. You say "under God" must be in the pledge of allegiance, I say look at this picture of a poor, starving child. Flag burning? Here's the gulf coast...Was this taken back in September, or just last week? Who can tell?!?

I wanna show up to an Ann Coulter lecture with a giant gong.

I wanna put a laugh track on "The 700 Club".

I wanna unplug the teleprompter during the State of Union speech.

I wanna stamp RETURN TO SENDER on the foreheads of every Jehovah's Witness that comes to my door.

I wanna open the dump valves on oil tankers. I wanna breathe smoke...sorry, got on a little Fight Club rift for a second.

Yarrrr

I just got home from seeing Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest. I believe it was well worth the $132 million it raked in this weekend. I'm gonna try to write my review without spoilers. (Cracking knuckles, deep breath) Here we go:

Blame it on all the books on filmmaking I've read and my addiction to commentary tracks, but I find myself focusing on the craft almost every time I sit down to watch a movie. Not that I'm looking for flaws per se, I just like dissecting little parts of the film and figuring out how they did it. For this same reason, I never want to learn how to play a musical instrument. I still want to hear a song for what it is.

To tell the truth, I didn't want to like the first one. I've been burned my Disney so many times, and seeing as this was from the same director as Mouse Hunt and the producer of Armageddon, plus after two Lord of the Rings films I could care less to see Orlando Bloom wield a sword again, it barely stood a chance in my mind. I didn't believe the reviews, either. One I read was "It's the best pirate films in years!"...well, if that's true, it's up against Hook and Cutthroat Island. That's like being named the best Jethro Tull cover band...not much competition.

I didn't see it until DVD, after much insistance and pressuring of a friend of mine. I went out and bought it the next day and I don't think it left the DVD player for two weeks. Great action, great story, great performances, great special effects, great all around.

I'm glad to say that with Pirates, they didn't just take what made the first one special and repeat it tenfold. They were careful to tie into the first one while telling a new story, creating new action without going too far over the top, and having new humor while staying true to the characters.

What really impressed me was the pacing. Whatever kind of scene it was, the filmmakers took great care not to let the story get bogged down. No scene was all dramatic or all action or all humor...they'd always throw in little pauses to break the tension, yet not completely distract you from what's going on.

Okay, minor spoiler: This one ends in a cliffhanger for the third one, which kinda pissed me off. I gotta wait until Memorial Day next year to see how this turns out. I, for one, can't wait that long. I nearly cracked having to wait a year for the next Lord of the Rings, I don't know if I've got it in me this time.

Damn you, Disney!

Honestly...

"To live outside the law, one must be honest" - Bob Dylan

"To thine own self be true" - Willam Shakespeare

"The most courageous thing you can do is be honest" - Commercial for Secret deodorant

The first quote is transcribed from a sticker on a mirror at Arnie's bar, and I reflect on that line every time I see that sticker. The second quote is one I remember highlighting during my phase in high school when I had the foolish notion of reading the complete works of Shakespeare. I got through Hamlet and Romeo & Juliet and gave up. The third quote was during a commercial break while I was thinking of a third quote...Not nearly as personal as the other two, unless you consider that I may be strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

Honesty has always been a virtue for me, but lately tact has been wearing me down. When I'm not having to fight the temptation to call someone on their bullshit, I'm having to find the proper words to explain how I'm feeling to someone else and it never seems to come out the right way. At any given moment, I come out feeling like either a spineless coward or a complete asshole.

This blog used to be the place I came to vent my frustrations over these problems. I used to be able to unload without censoring myself. As of late, no matter how much I sugarcoat my frustrations or try to put my feelings into honest words, I fear I'm opening myself up to a world of confrontations. Thankfully not from everyone, just certain people.

How did it get this way? Hell, I was brutally honest about my relationship problems with Candy, and what I said on the blog never an issue in the break-up. If anything, it allowed me to better articulate my feelings for when she and I finally had "the talk". I still have my job even with everything I wrote about my boss and my co-workers.

So, what's the solution here? How can I bring this blog back to form as a therapeutic medium for myself? I want to be completely honest here. It's one of the only places I feel I can. I don't mind changing names to protect the innocent (and in some cases, the guilty), but I don't want to walk on eggshells or pretend that these things never happened.

First and foremost, I need to not give a shit (or give less of a shit than I am now) about what certain people feel. This is my life and I want to talk about what's happening in it. I will try to be tactful, but on the other hand I need to call it as I see it. I will no longer edit my past posts, but if I am wrong I will post a retraction if I feel it's needed.

Secondly, I need to explain to everyone out there that if you're in my life, odds are you are gonna be in this blog at some point...naughty or nice. And if it happens to be an unflattering portrait, don't take it so personally. It's just one little slice of life, folks, not the entire pie. If you've got something to say about it, post a comment. I haven't deleted a non-spam comment yet.

Lastly, I'm gonna finish this post with an general update/progress report on all the areas of my life...Here we go:

Physical: I'm still a pack-a-day smoker, fifty pounds overweight, a social drinker and I'm still not doing anything about it.

Mental: Despite my current addiction to digital cable and viral internet video, I still consider myself fairly well-read individual. I'll be the first to admit that, at times, I'm not the sharpest block of cheese out there...but taking a good look around (I do live in Oklahoma after all), I'm well above average.

Psychological: I've been running close to a serious depression for a while now, and at this very moment, I'm doing okay. I've been doing as much soul-searching as I can, and I feel I'm close to the answers to my personal issues.

Professional: I'm in a good place. In my line of work, any job that's stable (even though the people I work with aren't), is worth it's weight in gold. The company is changing and growing into the type of company I've always wanted to work for. Sure, there have been some growing pains, but when we reach our present goals, all the effort will be worth it.

Financial: One year from now, my credit card debt will be history. Less than two years from now, my car will be paid off. It's a sprint to the finish line...living paycheck to paycheck until then.

Love: I know I'm not ready for anything serious, and for the time being, I'm not ready for anything casual, either. I'm on my own for the first time in almost two years, and I'm still adjusting to it. I need to focus on making myself whole before I can open myself to being with someone else.

Spritual: Karma in check, trying to reduce my dogma. I don't pretend to have Jesus on speed-dial, but God has my number if He ever wants to call.

Social: I have lots of friends, and even though I feel like I need to withdraw from the world a lot recently, I can't imagine my life without them.

Overall: I have some problems, but I'm fixing them. I have my frustrations, but I'm learning to deal with them. All I need is time, and a space where I can write about my life and try to figure it all out. I'm hoping this blog can be used for that once again.

Fatass cats are non-stop entertainment

Having a cat is proving to be a unique experience. I haven't needed an alarm clock because there's always a whining meow crying out for his food in the morning. At night, he's always waitning for me to lay down on the couch so he can jump up in my lap.

Last night, he woke me up by sitting on my head. I felt kinda bad for freaking out like I did because he ran off like a bat out of hell when I woke up. Things were better this morning, though. I guess he either forgot about it or realized that if the tables were turned, he's freak out too if I sat on his head when he was trying to get some sleep.

After a rough day like today, Chuckles gave me just the laugh I was needing. In this new apartment, he has three spots he likes to hang out at. The first is in the linen closet. He jumps up to the first shelf above the drawers and hides out behind the towels. It's like his own little fort back there. The second spot is under the bed, which is usually where he goes when he's spooked. The third place is the computer chair.

This was Candy's chair, and back at the duplex Chuck spent at least 14 hours a day sitting there and clawing at the arms. Back then, the chair was always on carpet, so when he jumped in the chair, the most it would do was swivel. I have hardwood floors at my new place.

As soon as I got home, I called out for Chuck and he came running from the bedroom and took a running leap into the chair. The force of 17 pounds of cat at full stride caused the chair to slide halfway across the room and hit the wall. Upon impact, Chuck turned around and started attacking the wall. This caused the chair to lside out from under him and Chuck fall down, go boom.

I was laughing my ass off, even more so after Chuck tried to play it off like that didn't just happen. I was so impressed, I had to give him some extra kibble.

About an hour later, he was chasing a spider scross the living room and bumped into my CD rack, dumping them all on the floor. For such a fatass, he got out of the way of the falling CDs just in a nick of time.

On one hand, I wonder if he's getting a little stir crazy (I can relate) since he hasn't been outside since he got here. On the other hand, this latest trend is funny as hell. I should let him outside for a little bit, but I'm afraid he'll lose his comedic edge. Letting him outside would be like putting Lenny Bruce in rehab.

Cutting it a little close

Nineteen bucks. That is all that is left to my name until Wednesday afternoon. Seventeen of which came from CoinStarring all of my change today. Turns out I really needed to.

After I got up this morning, I checked my email and took a look at my bank balance. I was two dollars overdrawn. Looks like that little trip to Sonic yesterday was a bad idea, especially since I forgot about the sixteen dollar bar tab I charged at Arnie's. I had to get some money into my account right away or else suffer the overdraft charge. I deposited four bucks at an ATm, but seeing as it's the Fourth of July and the banks are closed, we'll see tomorrow if I'm screwed or not.

This is kinda ironic that I'm having this finacial trouble on Independence Day. I am being reminded of my own independence on this day because it's up to me to save my own ass. Sure, my folks have helped me out in the past, but I'm the kinda guy to wait until ever possibility is exhausted before I make THAT phone call. Besides, what kind of whiny bitchass calls his folks, who live in another state, over a matter of two bucks? Especially since I get paid the next day.

Until then, I've still got food in the fridge, plenty of smokes, digital cable and internet. Plus, I got a party to go to later to watch the fireworks.

Speaking of which, I didn't buy any fireworks this year. Not because I was broke, but because I wanted to have at least one Independence Day to go past without the words "Fritschie, you're on fire" being spoken.

Wax paper, boiled football leather, dog breath

One of the great things about constantly being of two minds about anything is that at any given moment I'm right about something. I'm taking a four-day weekend, however I'm flat broke until Wednesday. I've been hanging around the house almost the entire time because I knew that if I went somewhere, I'd wind up spending money and wasting precious gasoline. Not a big deal, since I have plenty of food at the house to survive the weekend. On the other hand, I've had a touch of cabin fever, so I've been dying to get out of here.

So, this afternoon, I stepped out for a bit...and "a bit" turned out being down the street to Sonic where I proceeded to order a huge chili cheeseburger with chili, bacon and jalapenos, tater tots and a cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper. I have absolutely no impulse control whatsoever.

Arriving back at home deeply ashamed for having spent 1/8 of my bank account when I swore I wouldn't spend any money, I locked the door behind me and started dubbing off all those episodes of TiVo'd Ren & Stimpy I promised for a friend. I'm starting to relate a little too much to Space Madness at this point.

And now, I'm off to the fridge to see if I have any beloved ice cream bars left. No one understands me like they do.

Somewhere between the lottery and wolverines

Yay! I got my photos set back up, and I will try to add new pics to each post.

This morning, Chuckles clawed my ankle to wake me up to feed him. After angrily dumping some Special Kitty tuna in his bowl, I showered, dressed and went for a walk downtown to take some pictures. Today's pic is one of them, the center of the universe.

My intermittant existential crisis came back a bit today. Staying at home most of yesterday left me kinda freaked out to stay home today. On the other hand, if I went out, I knew I was gonna spend money, which I knew I shouldn't do. With certain, specific things going on in my life - internal and external - I'm stuck in a weird mix of agoraphobia and cabin fever. I'm kinda scared to leave the apartment, yet staying home is driving me nuts. A little "me" time is feeling like another priority I feel I HAVE to get done, and it's a strange feeling that personal reflection and meditation gives me the same feeling as my cable bill needing to be paid.

So now, when someone asks me how I'm doing, I tell them I'm doing "okay". That word represents a pretty broad gray area, but it's a lot easier than saying, "Hey, I'm not winning the lottery, but then again I'm not being pulled apart by wolverines either."

Whoever comes up with the best headline for this post gets a prize...I can't think of anything

Okay, to briefly continue with my last post...I have new batteries for the remote, and I've decided to put in on frame-by-frame for the time being. Best to deal with this shit slowly.

To change the subject: I saw Superman Returns Wednesday night. Great flick. Two hours and forty minutes of great flick, but a great flick nonetheless. It's hard for me to think of much to say about the movie without major spoilers, so I'll hit you guys with some minor observations:

1) One thing I really loved about it is that the filmmakers didn't try to reinvent the wheel. They didn't try to reboot the story or reimagine it like Smallville. It was meant to be a quasi-sequel to Superman 1 & 2 (pretending that 3 & 4 never existed) and it works that way, assuming that you disregard the huge technological differces between the late seventies and today. It was a wise choice to put Bryan Singer at the helm. He has a real knack for pointing out obvious flaws (at least to the hardcore geeks) and urging us not to take it too seriously. Like in X-Men, where they knew that hardcore fans of the comics would be upset about the costumes, he put in the line, "What did you expect? Yellow Spandex?" There's a simlar line about Superman's new costume in this flick.

2) I also loved how they avoided a little overseas controversy by yadda-yaddaing the "American Way" from the standard motto. Perry White (in the same scene as the costume comment) says, "Does he still stand for truth, justice, all that stuff." Wise choice, in my opinion. In today's political climate, the American way isn't what it used to be.

3) One thing I thought about the next day was that I only noticed an on-screen body count of 5, and one of them was from natural causes...that is, unless you count the opening scene featuring the destruction of Krypton, which could put it in the millions. That has to be the largest margin up for debate in cinematic history.

4) I have high hopes and great fears for the inevitable sequel. The filmmakers set up for a lot of possible storylines that, if not handled carefully, could ruin EVERYTHING in a lot of people's opinions, including mine.

Yesterday, I had nothing to do, so my boss put me to work ripping out carpet in this one room in preparation for the eventual moving of the art department. Even with a heavy-duty particle mask, the twenty-year-old dust the carpet kicked up gave me a migraine from hell. I was supposed to go see a friend last night, but I couldn't move from the couch. I fell asleep around nine, and woke up to Chuck begging for food early this morning. Since I've been in this apartment, I have not needed my alarm clock once because of that damned cat. But he's cool the rest of the day, so I'll let it slide.

I broke down today and went back to my old laundromat. Turns out it wasn't so bad. I'm saving money compared to the other places I've tried, and by showing up as soon as they opened this morning, I avoided the rush of crazy people that I remember from my earlier experiences there. One weird little social interaction I had was with this one guy. He was always standing in my line of sight of the dryers I was using, so whenever I looked over to see if I needed to start them up again, he mistook it for eye contact.

DISCLAIMER: I am all for people being gay. Please don't take what follows as any type of homophobic message.

It was obvious to me that this man was gay. It wasn't a gut feeling, or any form of gaydar, it was just obvious. Tank top, soccer shorts, all that jazz. Every time I looked over at the dryers, he'd look at me and crack a smile. While I was playing Pac-Man, I'd get this eerie feeling I was being watched. I'd glance over and that dude would look away.

When I noticed from across the room that my clothes were done, I went to go retrieve them. He saw that I was heading his way and as I made my way past him, he nervously said hello. I returned the hello and went to get my clothes. Then there was this moment when he figured it all out and got a really embarrassed look on his face and he went back to folding his laundry.

I felt kinda bad for the guy, really. I imagine he might have once heard that laundromats were a great place to meet guys, and I went and dashed his hopes. As I was folding my clothes a few tables down, I think he saw the clothes I was folding and it became clear that I was straight. Sorry, dude.