Revising my earlier statements

It's been a strange couple of days for me. Customers have come out in droves to hide the fact that they're complete idiots behind the idiom "the customer is always right". And while that idiom is true - we'll do whatever it takes to get the job done right - that hasn't kept me from being dumfounded by their complete lack of logic and deductive reasoning. Not to go into much detail, but my left eye has been twitching uncontrollably at least ten times a day. If my arm starts to go numb and I start tasting copper, That's when I should worry. Otherwise, it's all in a day's work.

In my off-duty hours I've been noticing a small trend. Maybe it's because Valentine's Day is coming up, but friends are coming out of the woodwork with women they'd like to see me hook up with. It's not really shaking my faith in my no-dating vow, in fact, it's merely strengthening it. On the other hand, as this event is becoming more and more frequent, I find myself having to go into further detail to rationalize to my matchmaking friends my reasons for being so hesitant. The time has come for me to reassess my position a bit.

When I first took the vow, it was because I wasnt happy in my own skin, I wasn't finding what I thought I was looking for, and ultimately, I came to the realization that I didn't know what I was looking for. The time had come for some serious introspection. Since I vowed to stop dating for a while, a lot of the other troubles have been resolved. My finances are on track, my mind is a lot clearer, my stress level has evened out a bit, and I'm feeling more comfortable with myself.

However, I attribute most of that to the stroke of dumb luck of having my car totalled. The cash I got from that allowed me to eliminate my debt, took away half of my worries, which were financial in nature, hence I don't have to focus so much on my work and how to get more hours, and everything else has kinda fell into line. The adjustment to all that has distracted me from my romantic problems.

Now, the time (and pressure) has come to take that long look at my issues with my love life. Here's what I got so far:

1. In the past, I've been too prone to fall too quickly...and too hard. Much like gambling, I've taken many, many losses, and any jackpots I've come across hadn't lasted me very long. I got tired of losing, so I quit playing.

2. I came to the realization that I had lost sight of the difference between compromise, settling, and caving in. To me, they were all one and the same.

3. I've never been one to take things casually. I've always wanted point A to lead to point B and all points beyond. I was tired of pretending to just go with the flow, and instead wanted to chart the next leg of the journey. A friend once told me that the worst that could happen was that I end up back where I started, and that worst thing was happening far too frequently for my tastes.

4. I must let things unfold naturally, and not let myself or any other person force change upon me. That way, when a moment presents itself, I can take one step forward without tripping.

I know, one day, I'll either be looking back on this time in my life with the words, "What the fuck was I thinking?" or with the words "Best decision I ever made". With each passing day, I'm able to look a little further inward, lose a little more of my self-doubt, and move closer to what will bring me that bliss that has eluded me thus far.

So, to my friends: I know you're trying to help, I love you, but back off for a little while.