Feb 14, 2007

Taking bets on my boss' Chevy Tahoe

My boss drives a Chevy Tahoe that has been the bane of his existence as of late. A few months ago, he had to replace the engine because his daughter let it run out of oil. His fuel pump went out a couple months ago and had to be replaced. Two weeks ago, the wheels were stolen and it was left with its frame on the ground. Tonight, something went wrong with the engine again.

Naturally, my boss feel like he's cursed. I joked that we just need to march the Tahoe east towards Mordor and cast it into the fires of Mount Doom from which it was forged. However, true to his nature, he's gonna shill out another huge wad of cash to fix the damned thing. He's the kind of guy that needs that kind of suffering in his life, for whatever reason.

I, on the other hand, decided to find some humor in this situation. To that end, I'm putting together a betting pool for whatever will happen to his vehicle next. Here's what I got so far:

  1. Fender bender (with an insured motorist)
  2. Fender bender (with an uninsured motorist)
  3. Totalled (with an insured motorist)
  4. Totalled (with an uninsured motorist)
  5. Hit & run (winnings to be split 2:1 with the category above that best fits)
  6. Cracked windshield
  7. Broken window
  8. Broken headlight/taillight
  9. Broken rearview mirror
  10. Flat tire(s)
  11. Slashed tire(s)
  12. Tire spike strip
  13. Stereo stolen
  14. Seats/interior damaged
  15. Air bags inexplicibly deployed
  16. Paint chip
  17. Paint oxidation
  18. Windshield wiper failure
  19. Door ding
  20. Antenna bent
  21. Wheels stolen (again)
  22. Electrical failure (wiring, alternator or fuses)
  23. Fuel injection failure (fuel pump broken or clogged hose)
  24. Fluid leak
  25. Dead battery
  26. Engine seizes (again)
  27. Muffler falls off
  28. Muffler stolen
  29. Ignition cylinder failure
  30. Carbon monoxide leak
  31. Suspension failure
  32. Misalignment
  33. Keys locked inside
  34. Rust damage
  35. Vehicle stolen (and recovered in one piece)
  36. Vehicle stolen (chopped)
  37. Vehicle stolen (crashed)
  38. Vehicle recalled to factory
  39. Careened into ditch
  40. Driven into a tree
  41. Animal attack (under 100 pounds)
  42. Animal attack (over 100 pounds)
  43. Driven off bridge, cliff or overpass (accidental or intentional)
  44. Crashed into large body of water (split if driven off bridge or cliff)
  45. Carried away by flood
  46. "Denver Boot" due to parking violation
  47. Towing damage
  48. Struck by meteor
  49. Struck by lightning
  50. Struck by downed power line
  51. Strikes a fire hydrant (split with #45 if flooding occurs)
  52. Fire (intentional)
  53. Fire (mechanical overheating)
  54. Fire (at the gas pump)
  55. Fire (wildfire or act of God)
  56. Struck by bullet
  57. Mob hit
  58. Direct hit by missile or propelled grenade
  59. Nuclear attack (last surviving better wins pool)
  60. Sinkhole
  61. Volcano
  62. Crushed (by earthquake rubble)
  63. Crushed (in a salvage yard, intentional or otherwise)
  64. Accidental burial
  65. Intentional burial
  66. High speed pursuit
  67. DUI (1:5 odds)
  68. Alien attack
  69. Vehicle ambushed in a terrorist attack
  70. Vehicular homicide or manslaughter
  71. Vehicle used in bank heist
  72. Toilet papered, egged, bolognaed, shaving creamed, banana/potato in the tailpipe, or other form of vandalism
  73. Carjacking
  74. Commandeered by police/federal officer
  75. Repossessed
  76. Possessed by demon a'la Christine
  77. Vehicle declared biohazard by the CDC
  78. Disintegration
  79. Fired from a cannon or flung by a trebuchet
  80. Driver called to heaven in the Rapture (100:1 odds)
  81. Miscellaneous (not covered in this list)

2 comments:

Steffenmania said...

How about "keyed down entire side" or "signpost thrown through any window, still sticking out"

Oh, you spelled "defy" wrong in your disclaimer...

luv ya!

Fritschie said...

That word is correct. Deify, as in "Make them a god"