Taking bets on my boss' Chevy Tahoe
My boss drives a Chevy Tahoe that has been the bane of his existence as of late. A few months ago, he had to replace the engine because his daughter let it run out of oil. His fuel pump went out a couple months ago and had to be replaced. Two weeks ago, the wheels were stolen and it was left with its frame on the ground. Tonight, something went wrong with the engine again.
Naturally, my boss feel like he's cursed. I joked that we just need to march the Tahoe east towards Mordor and cast it into the fires of Mount Doom from which it was forged. However, true to his nature, he's gonna shill out another huge wad of cash to fix the damned thing. He's the kind of guy that needs that kind of suffering in his life, for whatever reason.
I, on the other hand, decided to find some humor in this situation. To that end, I'm putting together a betting pool for whatever will happen to his vehicle next. Here's what I got so far:
- Fender bender (with an insured motorist)
- Fender bender (with an uninsured motorist)
- Totalled (with an insured motorist)
- Totalled (with an uninsured motorist)
- Hit & run (winnings to be split 2:1 with the category above that best fits)
- Cracked windshield
- Broken window
- Broken headlight/taillight
- Broken rearview mirror
- Flat tire(s)
- Slashed tire(s)
- Tire spike strip
- Stereo stolen
- Seats/interior damaged
- Air bags inexplicibly deployed
- Paint chip
- Paint oxidation
- Windshield wiper failure
- Door ding
- Antenna bent
- Wheels stolen (again)
- Electrical failure (wiring, alternator or fuses)
- Fuel injection failure (fuel pump broken or clogged hose)
- Fluid leak
- Dead battery
- Engine seizes (again)
- Muffler falls off
- Muffler stolen
- Ignition cylinder failure
- Carbon monoxide leak
- Suspension failure
- Misalignment
- Keys locked inside
- Rust damage
- Vehicle stolen (and recovered in one piece)
- Vehicle stolen (chopped)
- Vehicle stolen (crashed)
- Vehicle recalled to factory
- Careened into ditch
- Driven into a tree
- Animal attack (under 100 pounds)
- Animal attack (over 100 pounds)
- Driven off bridge, cliff or overpass (accidental or intentional)
- Crashed into large body of water (split if driven off bridge or cliff)
- Carried away by flood
- "Denver Boot" due to parking violation
- Towing damage
- Struck by meteor
- Struck by lightning
- Struck by downed power line
- Strikes a fire hydrant (split with #45 if flooding occurs)
- Fire (intentional)
- Fire (mechanical overheating)
- Fire (at the gas pump)
- Fire (wildfire or act of God)
- Struck by bullet
- Mob hit
- Direct hit by missile or propelled grenade
- Nuclear attack (last surviving better wins pool)
- Sinkhole
- Volcano
- Crushed (by earthquake rubble)
- Crushed (in a salvage yard, intentional or otherwise)
- Accidental burial
- Intentional burial
- High speed pursuit
- DUI (1:5 odds)
- Alien attack
- Vehicle ambushed in a terrorist attack
- Vehicular homicide or manslaughter
- Vehicle used in bank heist
- Toilet papered, egged, bolognaed, shaving creamed, banana/potato in the tailpipe, or other form of vandalism
- Carjacking
- Commandeered by police/federal officer
- Repossessed
- Possessed by demon a'la Christine
- Vehicle declared biohazard by the CDC
- Disintegration
- Fired from a cannon or flung by a trebuchet
- Driver called to heaven in the Rapture (100:1 odds)
- Miscellaneous (not covered in this list)
2 comments:
How about "keyed down entire side" or "signpost thrown through any window, still sticking out"
Oh, you spelled "defy" wrong in your disclaimer...
luv ya!
That word is correct. Deify, as in "Make them a god"
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