Just a few suggestions

Here are a few things that popped in my head that might just help out our troubled world.

1. Ticket discounts for people who sign a contract vowing to shut the hell up while in the movie theater. Violators will be charged double.

2. If our government really wants to revamp our disaster preparedness plans, they should start by hiring Samuel L. Jackson to make the emergency broadcast system announcements. They should also fill him full of coffee and slap him a few times before he makes the announcement. If the voice on the TV tells you to "GET YOUR DAMNED ASS INTO THE MOTHERFUCKING SHELTER, BITCH!"...you'd get your damned ass into the motherfucking shelter tootsweet.

3. Appoint a Secretary of Public Forums, whose job it is to find the appropriate time and place for each specific public debate. Wanna have a debate on immigration reform? There's always the annual tribal meeting of any of our many Native American organizations. I'm sure they can spare a few minutes to the subject. Against gay marriage and you want to hold a rally? Your choice: New York's Greenwich Village, Key West or San Fransisco's Castro District. Flag Burning? I'm sure the Korean factory that makes the flags has a meeting room available. Intelligent design? Museum of Natural History. Tax cuts for the wealthy? Homeless shelter. The point is, if you truly believe that your cause is for the good of all people, you shouldn't be afraid of a tough crowd.

4. Make the FCC complaint hotline a 900 number that costs $5 per call, and add a $5 processing charge for each letter sent in. Overly sensitive people might have to ask themselves if it's really worth getting that bent out of shape if the choices are paying five bucks to complain or just changing the damned channel.