Fritschie's assumptions

Pac-Man Jr.'s first words: "Wagga-wagga-wagga."

Tolkein used to wake his kids up early to tell them the appendices to their bedtime stories.

Sir Mix-a-lot may claim to like big butts, but I'm pretty sure he checks out a skinny one from time to time.

O.J. Simpson never goes shopping for knives anymore. Talk about an awkward transaction. I just picture all of his knives at home getting duller and duller, because he's too scared to be seen in the housewares section scoping out the Ginsu's.

When you see someone in a church member directory listing his occupation as "Entreprenuer", he owns a porn shop.

Deep down, anyone hanging out at a Denny's at four in the morning is not all that keen to explain what happened right before they got there.

Playing Risk with Dick Cheney would be a scary and frustrating mess.

No one answering the question "How did you meet your soul mate?" starts with the words, "Well, it was jello shot night..."

Somewhere, someone is deep-frying random food objects in order to find a competitive edge for their State Fair food stand.

Whenever he hears the phone ring, Ashton Kutcher gets that feeling in the pit of his stomach that it might be Satan calling for his end of the bargain.