RNDM THOT PTRNS

At the bar last night there was a moment that clearly gauged how bitter and cynical I have been recently.

The bottom line is, I was happy. No pressures, no stress, not a complaint in the world...I was out with my friends having a great time. I even had a few beers in my system making the warm and fuzzy factor even higher. There were other reasons for my overtly jovial nature, but I'm not gonna get into that right now.

The "moment" I speak of came about half-way through the night, when my perma-grin was at its highest. I was standing near the front door with my friends Heather, Amanda and Kelly. I quietly looked over at Heather, and it sparked the following dialogue:

Heather: What?

Me: What?

Heather: What's with all the smiling?

Me: Uh, I'm happy.

Heather: How come?

Me: I just am. Why?

Heather: I just usually don't see you like this.

Me: Jesus, have I really been that much of a cynical, depressive little bitch, lately?

Heather: Well...

Amanda: Kinda.

Kelly nods.


Not that it dampered my mood that much, but it does make me want to apologize to everyone I've been in contact with here lately. I think I'm through all that now. I can't promise that there won't be a relapse every now and again, but I'll do my best. Deal?