An open letter to the dickwad that broke into my car last night

Dear dickwad,

First of all, thank you for recognizing that a Ford factory stereo has practically no resale value. That was at least a small comfort when I got out to my car and saw that you my window was shattered into a million pieces...at least I still have tunes as I'm driving to work in 30 degree weather.

Secondly, you're welcome. Due to the fact that I cleaned out my car Saturday afternoon, and brought inside everything of any material value, I'm saying "you're welcome" because now instead of being a thief, legally you're just a vandal. If you had done that just two days sooner, you would have gotten every CD I've purchased over the past six months, most of my pay stubs and deposit slips from the past few weeks, tons of Camel Cash and about five bucks in change. You would have had to dig through a pile of fast-food sacks, but it would have been more valuable to you than what was in there when you broke in...which was absolutely nothing.

For future reference, try looking in the window before breaking and entering...dumbass.

Lastly, another thanks to you for solving that mystery of what to do with that extra $250 I had in my bank account. Man, oh man, I've been pondering that one for days now. Mystery solved. Any time you wanna pay me back for that would be great. I'm not holding my breath.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go wash my car, so that the dirty old windows at least somewhat match the crystal-clear new window I just had installed.

Sincerely, with middle finger upraised,
Fritschie