I AM supposed to be here today.

This afternoon, I caught a matinee of Clerks II. I've been looking forward to this flick for a while, and I've had high hopes and great fears in how it would turn out. All I can say is: Bravo, Kevin Smith.

I was worried how it would change my view of the first film, but Clerks II manages to carry it's own weight. Sure, it's the same characters, but in the timeline, it's ten years later, and the characters have managed to grow a bit (even thought their situations haven't) in that time. At the core, they're the same as we remember them, but where the first one had them facing a bleak and uncertain future, this time around they're facing the possibility that any bright future has long since past, and desperate times call for desperate measures.

In the first one, Dante was unwilling to make changes for himself. This time, he's willing to take the first thing that comes along. In this case, it's his domineering fiancee Emma. Their taking off for Florida in the morning, her parents are gonna give them a house, and let Dante run one of their car washes down there.

Randal, on the other hand, has gone from the smartass everyone wants to be to the bitter asshole no one wants to admit being friends with. This feels very natural for his character. He used to come off as simply protective of his best friend Dante and overly sure of himself, but now with Dante leaving, he doesn't know how to handle his feelings of loss, and wonders what he'll do from here on.

Jay & Silent Bob are back, and trust me, even if the rest of the film sucked, their scenes would be more than worth the price of admission.

The new characters fit really well. Emma is the kind of person you know is all wrong for Dante, but you kinda understand why Dante is willing to go along with her. Elias, the super-nerdy jesus freak is a great character for Randal to play off of, and it helps Randal face the reality of Dante's departure when he realizes that this kids may be Dante's heir apparent. Becky, the manager of the restaurant, holds her own against Randal's constant antagonism and proves as the positive force Dante's been needing in his life. You can't help but fall in love with her.

When I first heard that the Quick Stop and RST video was not gonna be the setting for the sequel, I was more than a bit concerned. I thought it was a bad idea to just take these two characters and just put them in a fast-food restaurant. It seemed cheesy and contrived, but as it turns out, it works out perfectly. The convenience store plays into a great plot device that left me feeling really good when the credits rolled at the end.

Clerks II is a much more polished film than the first one, in style AND in story. The first one gave many varied paths to the same lesson in the end. This time, the moral of the story changes from one minute to the next and depending on your point of view. To me, it sums up like this: Sometimes, the hand that you hold is the hand that holds you down...Sometimes, the hand that holds you down is the hand that keeps you from falling any further...and sometimes it's the hand that pulls you back on your feet.

I love Kevin Smith's films. It's not just the dialogue, not just the humor...it's the timing. The simple truth is that his films always come out at the perfect time in my life.

I saw Clerks and Mallrats on video, and I saw both of them on the same night. This was when I was about 21, when I was first on my own, and I was feeling a little doubtful about my current station in my life. Both films had an underlying message that if anything was to change in my life, that I needed to take the initiative myself instead of cursing the universe for dealing me a shitty hand.

Chasing Amy was the first of his flicks I saw in a theater, and it was at a time that I was in a relationship that I knew was more or less doomed to fail...one of the big issues was that I was young and inexperienced and this girl was not really ready for anything serious after her divorce. Chasing Amy helped put several things in perspective and allowed me the courage to confront the problems I was facing.

Dogma helped me in a time when my faith was being tested. I felt like I had no drive, and that every thing I did was out of habit rather than any real motovation in my life. I felt like I wasn't a very good person at that time, and while I didn't come away with any real answers, I did leave the theater with a deeper sense of purpose. Like the film said, it doesn't matter what you have faith in, just as long as you have faith.

I saw Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back the day I broke up with my fiancee. I decided to go out for a while after our initial argument that got rather intense. It was a perfect distraction (as part of a double feature with American Pie 2) from the to-be-continued that waited for me back home. Not that the film had any real message that I could apply to my situation, but it was a great excuse to turn my brain off for a couple hours.

Jersey Girl came out at another time in my life where I was questioning my station in life, in addition to coming to terms with recently uncovered truths about my father and his indescretions. The themes of having your life turned upside down, not realizing how you're blessed and fatherhood had me weeping like a little girl with a skinned knee and shit (to paraphrase Jay).

Clerks II touched upon some of the same doubts I face now as I reach the thirty-year mark. I left the theater feeling a lot better than when I came in. Are my best days behind me? No, it's never too late to change. Do those bad times I had in the past mean I've wasted my life? Hell no, they've made me the person I am today. Do I know what the hell I'm doing? No, but it's all a leap of faith. Now all I need are more dick jokes.