Sharks, nudity and public urination

About a couple weeks ago, when I heard that Jaws was this month's midnight movie at the Circle Cinema, I was toying with the idea that I would have my friends over to my place, have dinner and hang out before heading over to the theater. Those plans changed about five minutes before I was gonna send out the email to my friends, when I got an email from my friend Kim inviting everyone over to her house for her annual backyard jam.

One a year, usually in the spring, Kim has everyone over to her house once she gets her pool ready. We all cook out, swim and since almost all of her friends are musicians, they all jam untill the wee hours of the morning.

I showed up without a swimsuit, but that didn't stop my friend Libby (different Libby, for those of you who've been reading a while) from insisting that I just strip naked and jump in. I opted to just run back to my place to grab my swim trunks. I grabbed an extra pair in case any of the other guys wanted to borrow them.

I left after a couple hours to catch the movie. I had never seen Jaws on a big screen before, or with an audience for that matter. I see the movie much differently now having seen it in a room full of strangers (save for my friends Tony and Jenny). I found myself laughing at parts I never really saw as jokes, jumping at parts I never really saw as all that scary, and I never really noticed how much of the girl skinny-dipping at the beginning's body was actually shown...I blame the transfer quaility on my DVD. After the movie, Tony and Jenny decided not to return to the party with me. By the time I got back, the party had thinned out quite a bit.

There's a trend I've noticed with my friends. Whenever there's a party, and a pool or a hot tub is involved, there's always a chance that the words "Oh my God, you're nude." will be spoken, and odds are I'll be the one saying it. I'm gonna be hazy with the details from here on out. Anyway, only one person was in the pool, naked as a jaybird. As soon as I showed back up, it was demanded that I strip down and get in. Being the pushover I am, and given that it was really dark enough out for any and all self-conscienceness-inducing parts of my body to be obscured, I complied. My first time skinny dipping since college. Once I got in, others followed suit.

Only four little things about this event, and the rest will fall under the "What happens in the pool, stays in the pool category": A) I now know that I've taken the protective qualities of swim trunks for granted. Not that the water was cold, but while jumping in feet first is a wise way to avoid a potential head injury, it doesn't bode well for unprotected testicles. B) Likewise, I never really noticed how powerful pool jets really are, and that was a bit of a shock. C) Between my dating history, a couple of my artsy photographer friends and that pool, my list of female friends that I haven't seen naked has now been narrowed a bit more. And D) I'm blind as a bat without my glasses.

I made it home after four and slept in until noon. The Mythbusters marathon on the Discovery channel ensured that my ass didn't leave the couch until it was time to go work the door at Arnie's.

It was looking to be a fairly uneventful night at Arnie's. I was expecting a packed house, but for some reason it wasn't all that busy. Everything was rather routine for at least half the night...Taking money, checking IDs, telling the panhandlers to get lost...but around midnight a group of four (two guys, two girls) left the bar. I hadn't noticed it at first, but one of the girls had smuggled out a beer. I walked after them to tell them to get back in the bar with it right away, only to catch out of the corner of my eye her boyfriend taking a leak, not next to, but ON my car! Needless to say, I was less concerned about the chick with the beer.

I yelled at the guy, telling him that it was MY car he was pissing on. Now, any person of reasonable sobriety would have ceased and desisted at the words "HEY, STOP PISSING ON MY CAR", however this guy continued as he looked back at me and apologized, never mind the fact that there was a WALL on the other side of him! So, I screamed at him, saying that unless he's pissing Armor-All, that he should turn forty-five degrees to the right and piss on the wall instead. At this point, the girl with the beer knew that I meant business and poured her beer into the bushes, and her boyfriend turned to the wall just in time for the shake-off. Then, in a mind-boggling move, the dude gave me another apology and offered to shake my hand!

Anyway, I told those guys to get lost, which they did, sort of. The started across the street and walked right in front of a car driving down the street. The driver stopped in plenty of time to avoid hitting them, but got out of his car to yell at them anyway. A couple of shoves took place, but the two girls broke it up before it got too heated. I just sttod on the sidewalk with my cell in my hand dialing 9-1 and hovering a finger over 1 the moment that the first punch would be thrown. No such luck. The driver got back in his car and took off, and my hopes to not only see that one guy in handcuffs for assault, public intox, public urination and a complaint for giving my Ford Focus an unwanted "rinse" were dashed.

Kinda makes me wish I had taken better advantage of my bar tab and had a couple more beers, instead of drinking mostly Cokes all night. I'm sitting now at my computer waiting for the Sominex and melatonin to counteract the caffeine and sugar coursing through my veins. Tomorrow, I gotta go into the office for a bit and yank wires out of the room we're getting ready to renovate, go see some of my friends, and wash my car...thoroughly.