And the irony is, I'm right handed

Why do some people think that just because I end up on their email list, that I automatically agree with their ideology? I got this in my email from the ex-boyfriend of a co-worker, and as it is apparent to me now, a total jackass. I offer my rebuttal here after each one:

21 Ways To Be A Good Democrat (Wait, is that an oxymoron?)

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand. AHH, SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE FISHERMAN: THROW 'EM BACK WHEN THEY'RE YOUNG, KILL 'EM WHEN THEIR BIGGER.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression, and governments create prosperity. NO, CORPORATIONS THAT DRIVE SMALL BUSINESSES INTO BANKRUPTCY CREATE OPPRESSION (I'VE WORKED FOR WAL-MART-I KNOW) AND THE GOVERNMENT IS SUPPOSED TO CREATE PROSPERITY. IS THAT NOT THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE?!?

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists. THE SECOND AMENDMENT WAS WRITTEN AT A TIME WHEN IT TOOK TWO MINUTES TO LOAD ONE ROUND INTO A MUSKET, AND BESIDES, WHICH IS MORE LIKELY, THE ODDS OF OUR GUN-NUTS CREATING AN ORGANIZED MILITIA AS THE AMMENDMENT DICTATES OR SHOOTING THEIR BROTHER-IN-LAW OVER A COORS/BUDWEISER DISPUTE?

4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding. AS AN ARTIST, I TAKE GREAT OFFENSE TO THIS. ART IS SUPPOSED TO PROVOKE THOUGHT, EVEN IF IT IS AN UNPLEASANT THOUGHT. IF RIGHT-WINGERS HAD THEIR WAY, THE ONLY FUNDING GIVEN TO THE ARTS WOULD BE TO BOB ROSS WANNABES WHO ARE USED TO HAWKING THEIR WARES TO MOTEL 6'S ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's. YES, OZONE ALERT DAYS ARE JUST SO PLEASANT, AREN'T THEY? HERE'S A FUN FACT: THE U.S. CONSUMES 25% OF THE WORLD'S GASOLINE AND CREATES 80% OF THE AIR POLLUTION IN THE WORLD. ANJD YOU HAVE THE CONCEIT TO THINK THAT IT HAS NO EFFECT ON THE ENVIRONMENT?

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural. LIKE IT OR NOT, THE ONLY THING THAT, ON THE WHOLE, MEN CAN DO BETTER THAN WOMEN IS WRITE THEIR NAME IN THE SNOW. AND I LOVE THE NOTION THAT HOMOSEXUALS ARE THAT WAY BY CHOICE. "GEE, I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH ABUSE IN MY LIFE...WHAT CAN I DO TO REALLY PISS OFF NARROW-MINDED PEOPLE?!?"

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding. DON'T EVEN PRETEND THAT IF THIS DISEASE HAD STARTED OUT IN GRANDMOTHERS AND VIRGINS THAT IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN CURED BY NOW.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex. FACE FACTS...KIDS ARE GONNA HAVE SEX REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH YOU TELL THEM NOT TO. SEX EDUCATION IS NOT TELLING KIDS TO GO OUT AND HAVE SEX, BUT IF THEY DO, WOULDN'T IT BE A LOT BETTER IF THEY KNEW WHAT THEY WERE GETTING THEMSELVES INTO?

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists, who have never been outside of San Francisco, do. I DON'T QUESTION HUNTER'S COMMITTMENT TO NATURE. HELL, ANYONE WHO WILLINGLY POURS DEER URINE ON HIMSELF HAS A CONNECTION TO NATURE THAT I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND. BUT YOU'VE GOTTA CONCEDE: YOU HAVE A GUN AND THE DEER ARE JUST TRYING TO GET A DRINK OUT OF THE STREAM. DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A FAIR FIGHT, DOES IT? AND BY THE WAY, NOT ALL ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVISTS ARE JUST PLAYING HACKY SACK WHILE WAITING FOR THE NEXT DAVE MATTHEWS CONCERT.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it. MAYBE WE JUST HAVEN'T FOUND POSITIVE ROLE MODELS LIKE RICHARD NIXON, KARL ROVE AND SCOOTER LIBBY.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion Of The Christ for financial gain only. PERSONALLY, I THINK A FILM LIKE THAT DESERVED THE $400+ MILLION IT RAKED IN.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution. YOU WANNA KNOW WHY WE HIDE BEHIND THE FIRST AMMENDMENT? BECAUSE WE'RE GETTING SHOT AT BY PEOPLE HIDING BEHIND THE SECOND.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high. THERE ARE SOOOO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THAT STATEMENT I DON'T HAVE THE TIME NOR THE ENERGY TO GET INTO IT

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison. AS IMPORTANT, NOT MORE IMPORTANT.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not. HOW WHITE OF YOU TO SAY THAT.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person. NEVER MET HER, EVEN THOUGH I AM FROM ARKANSAS.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge. I'VE NEVER BEEN CALLED A PINKO COMMIE IN SO MANY WORDS.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House. I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THEM TELLING THEIR VERSION OF THE TRUTH, ALL I ASK IS THAT THERE ARE SOLID FACTS TO BACK THEM UP. OH, AND BY THE WAY, BILL CLINTON WAS CAUGHT IN A LIE THAT ANY MARRIED MAN WOULD'VE LIED ABOUT.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal. WHAT DOES IT SAY ABOUT YOU THAT WHEN SOMEONE SAYS HOMOSEXUALITY, YOU AUTOMATICALLY LUMP IN BESTIALITY (AND SOMETIMES INCEST AND PEDOPHILIA)? AND ALL WE'RE SAYING IS THAT SOME PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE IN BABY JESUS ENOUGH TO WANT TO LOOK AT A LIGHTED PLASTIC DIORAMA OF IT EVERY YEAR?

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States. AGAIN, COULD YOU SHOW ME THE SOLID FACTS ON THAT?

21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy. NOT REALLY VAST, BUT BY DEFINITION ALONE, IF MORE THAN TWO PEOPLE ARE INVOLVED, IT'S A CONSPIRACY. AND GIVEN THAT THIS WAS FORWARDED TO ME, THAT MEANS AT LEAST TWO PEOPLE WERE INVOLVED.