20 non-lethal ways to escape a stoner uprising

1. Leave a trail of Funyuns leading to one cave, hide out in another, then run when the coast is clear.

2. Rattle keys in front of lead stoner's face; hand him/her the keys so they might amuse themselves.

3. Drive faster than 15 MPH.

4. Lead them into Circuit City. Turn every TV on to Cartoon Network. Use X-Box 360 display as a backup diversion. Quietly sneak out the back.

5. Stump them with basic logic disguised as a philosophical quandary.

6. Ask them where their feet are.

7. George W. Bush impersonation.

8. Convince them that Pink Floyd's Animals synchs up with Casablanca.

9. Sign their petition to "legalize it, man." Buy one of their t-shirts if you must.

10. Rubik's Cubes, Rubik's Cubes, Rubik's cubes!

11. Give them directions to a fake Phish reunion concert.

12. Stand perfently still. Their vision is based on movement.

13. Walk among them wearing patchouli and all of your clothing made out of hemp. Be sure to giggle a lot. When the crowd starts to turn one way, turn the other way and keep going.

14. Throw handfuls of Domino's Pizza coupons into the air and run like hell.

15. Pretend you're an angry bear.

16. Speak in coded language into the end of your sleeve. Hold your finger to your ear as if you're hearing a response. If the stoners get to close, yell "ALL TEAMS MOVE IN!"

17. Put a sign on the side of an abandoned warehouse that reads "Free Hacky Sacks, Frisbees and Glow Sticks." Once everyone is inside, barricade the doors.

18. Play any acoustic instrument you can find (Guitar, bongos, etc.) It may take a while, but they'll sway side to side until they fall asleep; quietly sneak away.

19. Repeat the same words over and over again with a minute-long break inbetween. Not that this will help you escape...it's just really fun to do to someone really fucking high.

20. Start an argument about who would win in a fight: Obi-Wan Kenobi or Gandalf the Gray. When they start to turn on one another, tell them you're going out for smokes and never come back.