Welcome to JadeDate, because bitter, cynical assholes need love, too

Thanks for choosing JadeDate, the online dating service for the unhappy and the malcontent. Let's get you started, I guess.


Why JadeDate?

Perhaps you've been rejected one (or twenty) too many times. Perhaps eHarmony rejected your profile and keeps sending you spam for psychological counseling. Have you ever had to have been explained the subtle differences between "like", "love" and "in love" more than five times in your lifetime? Has "let's just be friends" ever turned out to mean "the guy I'm now sleeping with is coming to pick me up in five minutes to take me on a ride in his Trans Am"? Has your most meaningful relationship in years been a five-minute speed date session?

If you answered "Don't remind me" to any of those questions, then JadeDate may be the answer for you.


Starting your profile:

About you:

Answer the following questions, as bluntly as you can:
Name:___________________________
Age:___________________________
I am a: ( ) Man ( ) Woman ( ) Unsure at this point in my life
Are you: ( ) single ( ) divorced ( ) I guess you can technically call it married
Do you smoke? ( ) yes ( ) no
Do you drink? ( ) yes ( ) no
If no, why the hell not?___________________________
To you, love is: ( ) A battlefield ( ) Dead ( ) A cruel joke
( ) A marketing concept perpetrated by Madison Avenue
( ) For people not in touch with the harsh realities of the world
( ) Something I felt...once...for a short while...sigh...
( ) Other___________________________
I live: ( ) alone ( ) with roommates ( ) do pets count?
A first date with me tends to include one or more of the following:
( ) Dinner ( ) Weaseling out of paying the check
( ) Movie ( ) Dollar theater ( ) Sneaking in
( ) Drinks ( ) More drinks ( ) With roofies
( ) Awkward goodnight kiss ( ) With groping
( ) Sex ( ) Gets a little rough ( ) Lots of crying
( ) Breakfast ( ) Sneaking out quietly
( ) Marriage proposal ( ) Calling the cops
Touchy issues (choose all that apply): ( ) Committment
( ) Family ( ) Finances ( ) Past relationships
( ) Sex ( ) Politics ( ) Religion
( ) Talking about me ( ) Talking about you
( ) Kirk vs. Picard ( ) Did Han Solo shoot first?
( ) Other___________________________
Photo (optional, we understand): (upload)


Who you're looking for:

I am looking for a: ( ) Man ( ) Woman ( ) Whatever

Okay, let's face it, that's all we need to ask about what you're looking for. Seriously, if you're coming to us, you can't be that picky.


How to use JadeDate:

This is a free service. Just look through our profiles, and contact them at your own leisure/risk.


Terms and conditions:

JadeDate accepts no responsibility for whatever happens to you now. If it works out, we'd love to hear from you in hopes for a "success stories" section on our website, but we're really not holding our breath. If it doesn't work out, we are not liable, so don't come bitching to us. It's free, so you can't sue us for your money back. And remember, no means no.