Shit, this is the fan...fan, this is shit

A couple weeks ago, one guy at work quit his job. He got a new job, and just decided to not tell us, not call in, not show up. Yesterday, he came in to pick up his last check, which amounted to around $63.00.

For reasons that are beyond me, instead of just picking up the check and leaving, this idiot decided he needed to talk to my boss about what happened. This quickly escalated to shouting and cursing on both sides. He kept telling my boss how horrible it was to work for him (it can be). My boss got right back in his face telling him about how horrible of a worker he was (which is true). Just when I thought it was reaching the climax in the form of my boss telling him to get the fuck out, this guy pulls the biggest bonehead move in end-of-employment history. He says, "No, I gotta go say 'Hi' to Aaron in the back first."

The next part of the argument I didn't see. Like everyone else in the front office, we were finding our hiding places, because we all knew the boss was gonna take it out on the first person that crossed his path. Ten minutes later, when I thought the coast was clear, I went for a cup of coffee. My boss spotted me, and he was so mad that he could only speak in fractured sentances. He pointed at me and said, "You...office...now." while indicating his office door by shaking his sweaty brow in its general direction.

I went into his office, sat down, and thought to myself, "I should really take some painkillers now, or at least lube up for the foot that's about to be broken off in my ass." The boss came in and closed the door. He told me that a client had complained about me, saying I was short with her on the phone and was very unprofessional. He told me that he doesn't want to fire me, but if I keep it up at this pace, he'll have no choice.

Having worked for this man for four and a half years, I've learned to not get defensive, not offer excuses, and not try to call him on his bullshit. I sat there and took it like a man. I bit my tongue. I nodded in agreement. I half-assed apologized. What I wanted to tell him was that I wasn't "short" with the client. I was in a time crunch, and I merely offered her some quick solutions, interrupting what would become a half hour stream of "Oh, I don't know...it just doesn't look right...would it be too much trouble to..." I cut to the chase. I know that she pays her bills on time. I know she brings us a steady stream of work. I also know she is a hyperactive, wishy-washy, micro-managing moron when it comes to the promotion of her business.

My boss told me that I was to have her job finished up, approved and ready to print by noon today. I was to take the proof to her, accompanied by the president of the company, and I was to apologize to her for my behavior. My internalized anger was reaching a crisis point. Once I got out of his office, I immediately stepped outside for a smoke before the heat building up in my ears caught my hair on fire.

I got the project to a stopping point, because I had a date last night. The key word in that sentence being "had". She and I were text messaging earlier in the day arranging what time to meet for dinner and what not. At 4:50, she texts me saying she was sorry, that she wanted to know if we could get to know each other a little better before we go out on a date. Isn't that the point of a date? Although, given the reaming I got by the boss, maybe I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be all too charming. I wrote her back suggesting that we meet for drinks instead and just talk...Not a date, just a talk. She agreed.

I call a friend to see if anything was going on before we all meet up at Arnie's. Turns out there was a going-away party for this girl we all know, and it was at the same time and restaurant that I was supposed to be having my date. And since I had my heart set on sushi, that's where I went.

I was still stewing over what my boss told me, and my friend kept asking me if I was upset about the cancelled date. I wasn't really, but I started my usual Thursday night drinking early nonetheless. By the time we were at the bar, and my almost date showed up, I was pretty buzzed. She had several drunk guys trying to get her attention and it was kinda difficult to get a moment alone to talk.

Later, I was walking my friend Kelly to her car, and while in the parking lot, my almost date was walking out with her friend and they were going around the corner to the porn shop for her friend to buy some supplies (for lack of a better term) for the weekend. Is it weird that the first chance I get that night to talk to this woman was when we were wandering through the adult video section at the Midtown Theater? I'm trying to be honest and charming, but I look at her and immediately notice a copy of "More Cushion for the Pushin' Volume 8" is on the shelf right behind her. I can't imagine what she thought as I looked her in the eyes, flash her a smile, then went into my what-the-hell? look.

I called it a night a little after midnight, because I had a full day of eating humble pie ahead of me.

I get the proof ready for the client, me and the big boss head down to meet with her. Halfway through the meeting she apologizes for being such a pain-in-the-ass yesterday. She went on to say that she talked to my boss and mentioned how stressed I must've been. I accepted her apology, got the proof approved, left and went about my business. Turns out my boss only heard what he wanted to hear in his conversation with her. He threatened to fire me for no good reason. I didn't throw it back in his face. I decided to be the bigger man about it...

...However, I did call him a fuck-face under my breath whenever he left the room.

So now, I have the entire weekend to forget that I work there. First step, meet my friends at the movie theater and see the Chronicles of Narnia.