I'm royally boned

Went in for my mortgage application today. You know you've got money problems when a loan officer punches up your credit report and goes, "Whoa!"

When I punched up my credit report online about five weeks ago, My score was in the low 700's. Between then and now, A couple of my creditors issued red flags on my report. That dropped my score by almost two hundred points. I should've figured as much.

But hey! At least I'm safe from identity fraud! Yes, the best protection in the world is having horrible credit. Christ, I'm surprised the computer didn't list me as a flight risk.

I knew it was a long shot to hope for debt consolidation to be lumped into this mortgage. According to the guy at the bank, no bank in the free world would allow that to happen. Not even if my credit was immaculate. Hope springs eternal...at least until you try out for a loan.

Basically, I have four options:

1) I can apply for a loan, but the one that I'll have the best chance of getting would require a massive letter-writing campaign to the three credit bureaus explaining EVERY discrepency on my report. My chances are slim to nil, and I'm getting writer's cramp just thinking about it.

2) I could try with a less reputable bank that might take a rsik loaning money to a guy like me. I believe the name of the mank is the Merchant of Venice Savings and Loan. The bad news is, the pound of flesh is due up front.

3) Admit defeat. Declare bankruptcy. Sounds like fun, huh? As detrimental as THAT would be to my lending potential, consider everything I've written in this post so far. If I stay the course as I have so far in paying off my debt, I'd be square sometime in 2029. On the other hand, I've paid enough in interest charges and late fees that my credit cards should've been paid off by now. Any pleading for mercy in order to get any type of loan or credit would get me the same interest rates as it would by just checking that little box saying that yes, I have declared bankruptcy. Seven years of financial stigma versus 24 years of meekly forking over half my paycheck for things that I no longer own. Gee, which one should I pick?

4) Invest lots of money in the Oklahoma education system by buying lottery tickets.

Tonight, I went to St. Michael's Alley to see Three Penny Upright play. I took a good look at the menu board and figured that I may not be able to afford a big meal for a while, so I went for the Cajun pork chops, which apparently had been marinated in pure cayenne extract for about a month. Good thing there was a baked potato along with it. The starches in the potato were the only thing keeping me from hosing down my taste buds with a fire extinguisher.

I ran into this one dude Corey there. This is a guy that I have yet to see outside of a gathering of my friends, and without fail, we end up chain smoking outside working each other up into a frenzy of conversation about Star Wars, comic books and sci-fi. I'm sure it's a blast to watch us talk about this, but whatever you do, don't try to out-geek us, 'cause you'll be goin' down, fool!

Here's today's pic, which I'm sure I've used before, but I don't care. Speaking of which, I will be accepting donations to the Get Fritschie An Extra Value Meal Fund. Open your hearts and your wallets to keep me from becoming a true starving artist.