And a happy new year to you, too, dumbfuck.

My phone rings. I don't recognize the number on the caller ID, but I answer it anyway.

ME: Hello?

GUY ON OTHER END: Who the hell is this?

ME: Who the hell is this?

GUY ON OTHER END: I just got a text message from this number calling me a dumbfuck.

ME: Well, it wasn't me. I haven't sent a text message in about a week, man.

GUY ON OTHER END: This was the number that was on the message.

ME: And I'm telling you I haven't sent anyone a message, let alone someone I don't even know calling them a dumbfuck.

GUY ON OTHER END: Hmm...That's weird. Maybe I should call Sprint about this.

ME: You go right ahead, there.

CLICK!

ME: Dumbfuck.