Tink...tink...tink...tink...tink...tink...tink...

Jack. Fucking. Bauer. Is. Back.

The new season of 24 started tonight, and here are my thoughts:

Jack keeps his mouth shut for two years, never selling out his country, and the President refuses to take him seriously when he escapes with important information?

I guess Kumar never made it to White Castle. Low blood sugar leads to jihad, apparently.

Who would've thought the goody-two-shoes guy from Deep Space Nine could be such a good badass?

Could Chloe get any hotter...and poutier...since last season? The answer is an emphatic yes and yes!

Instead of that little weasel's plan to round up all of the muslims into holding camps, why don't they just track down all of the cargo vans in L.A.? Five seasons into this show and what I've learned is that the cargo van with no side or back windows are the terrorist's vehicle of choice.

After two years of being tortured by the Chinese, Jack still remembers the direct line to Bill Buchanan? I forgot my number from back in Arkansas two weeks after I moved away!

So, suicide bombers need a buddy to tag along to the bombing site? That just goes along with what I've been saying to my single female friends for years: Beware of any guy that has a wingman.

I can't wait until Jack Fucking Bauer teams back up with Curtis Fucking Manning again.