A long time ago, only slightly different this time

I was recently re-watching the Star Wars prequels this past week. I know I'm not alone in saying this, but they were good, but could've been so much better. Sure, the special effects were awesome, but that doesn't forgive a crappy storyline. I've been giving this a lot of thought this past week (and off and on for the past few years), and I think I've finally put my finger on what needed to be done to make them all better...dialogue notwithstanding.

These are minor changes, but the ripple effect would smooth out everything throughout the entire trilogy. Let's take them one film at a time:

THE PHANTOM MENACE

1. Better establish the Trade Federation as a threat. In the first couple scenes, we learn that the Trade Federation leadership are spineless cowards who make some pretty piss-poor decisions. If they're really gonna set up a blockade of an entire planet, shouldn't they have more than one ship in orbit around said planet? Perhaps with lots of smaller ships threatening to destroy any ship that even attempts to pass the blockade? That right there would pump up the tension in the opening scene where Qui Gon and Obi-Wan make their approach to negotiate with the Trade Federation leaders. Likewise, when they follow Darth Sidious' orders to kill the ambassadors, they blow up the ship they came in. Hmmmm...is it really wise to blow up a ship in your own ship's landing bay? Why not just force the crew into an airlock and jettison them into space. That way, instead of the sound of an explosion signaling the Jedi that something's wrong, you could have Obi-Wan staring out the window just in time to see the flight crew float past outside the ship. At the same moment, Qui Gon sees the gas coming through the vents.

2. We need a scoundrel in this trilogy. The original trilogy had Han Solo, and at first, you didn't know if he was someone you could trust. We had nothing like this in the prequels. I nominate Obi-Wan. In Empire, Obi-Wan was set up to be a reckless protege, while in Menace, he just comes off as a whiny, insecure smartass who's too quick to cave in to his master's commands. Have him second-guess Qui Gon a few times and try to do things his own way....and fail enough times for him to realize that Qui Gon was right all along. That would punch up the drama as he only realizes this as his master is dying in his arms.

3. Let's face it, Jar Jar needed a complete overhaul. Seriously, he was banished because he was a bumbling idiot?!? No. Drop the accent, lose the clumsiness and change his motivation. The Gunguns wanted to live in isolation from the Naboo. Simply give a backstory that the two societies have been in a cold war for ages, and make Jar Jar the one guy in his society who wanted to bring the Gunguns and the Naboo together. Make his repeated attempts at diplomacy the reason for his banishment. Forced to live on the surface as an outcast, he saves Qui Gon's life when they meet instead of the other way around. That would make the two Jedi a little more willing to follow Jar Jar down to the underwater city, and more compelled to save him from his death sentence from Boss Nass. Plus, as part of the ripple effect, we'd all be spared the fart joke before the pod race and the whole winning the battle by being a clumsy dumbass thing.

4. No R2-D2 and no C-3PO. Having them in Episode I was pointless.

5. Make Anakin five years older. That would A) make his relationship with Padme resonate a little deeper, B) have it make a little more sense that he would be too old to receive Jedi training, C) give his character the added element of teenage hormonal mood swings, D) give him a few more years of experience being a slave, and all the baggage that would bring, and E) heighten the jealous tension between him and Obi-Wan for Qui Gon's attention.

6. Kill the Queen's pilot somehow. Allow Darth Maul to fight his way onto the ship and the pilot gets killed in the melee. While the two Jedi deal with Maul, Anakin takes the helm and flies the ship off the planet, giving us more of what Obi-Wan talked about in Return of the Jedi when he said Anakin was an amazing star pilot when he first knew him.

7. Give Darth Maul more screen time and more dialogue. That would not only make him more of a badass, but would make you root for the Jedi more in the final battle.


ATTACK OF THE CLONES

1. Introduce R2-D2 as Obi-Wan's Astro-droid. No need to make R2 enter the story as hero (sorta) as in Menace, just have him be Obi-Wan's droid. That way, when R2 goes looking for him in A New Hope, he's looking for his old master, as it's said in the film. Plus, with R2 being with Obi-Wan and no C-3PO in the picture, there'll be no witnesses at the Padme/Anakin wedding. Seriously, if it's a secret wedding, why have the only witnesses be the two characters with the sharpest memories possible?

2. Old lovers reunited. As a result of making Anakin older, the relationship with Padme essentially picks up where it left off, with none of that "You'll always be that little boy on Tattooine bullshit. The sexual tension wouldn't be filled with as much confusion, and the love story would have a much faster pace.

3. Give Jango Fett three clones. Two fully grown, and the other would be Boba Fett, still growing. Have Jango and both of the full-grown clones (forget the changeling) be involved in the fight on Coruscant. The two clones die in the fight, and that sets up the idea of the clones by having the Jedi see two identical bounty hunters once their helmets are off. Have one of them have a clue on his person about the cloner's homeworld. That would save us from having to sit through the whole scene in the diner hearing about the cloners from a short-order cook on his break.

4. You could set up a romantic rivalry between Obi-Wan and Anakin with five simple words. After Anakin says, "Just being around her again is intoxicating." Obi-Wan replies, "I know what you mean." Then he goes into his whole thing about the commitment to the Jedi Order. That way, when Padme announces she's taking the ship to go save Obi-Wan, Anakin goes along with the idea because he doesn't want to lose her to his master/rival.

5. Don't show the plans for the Death Star. By that logic, the first Death Star took twenty plus years to build, but they had a second fully armed and operational in the six years between Episodes IV and VI? C'mon!


REVENGE OF THE SITH

1. Have Obi-Wan discover Padme's pregnancy and marriage to Anakin sooner. Have an argument between master and apprentice that leads Anakin to believe that Obi-Wan will expose the scandal to the Jedi council and thus deepen the rift and gave Anakin more incentive to join the dark side, even though Obi-Wan had no intention to do so.

2. When Anakin is given all of the transplants that turn him into the Vader we all know and love, have him go completely apeshit, destroying all of the droids and equipment in the room, but stopping short of destroying the Emperor. Then have him collapse to his knees and fester in his anger rather than the scream out that cheesy "NOOOOOOOOO!" The Emperor quietly chuckles. End scene.

3. Anakin knows Padme is having twins early on. She survives the birth, lets them take Luke away, but seeks refuge on Alderaan with Leia. That way, Leia would actually have some memory of her real mother, as indicated in Return of the Jedi. Anakin still believes Padme and the twins had died. Leia is later adopted by Bail Organa.

4. Have Qui Gon appear in spirit form as Yoda explains the whole bit about communing with fallen Jedi. Watching Obi-Wan discover what he's talking about was just painful to watch.

5. Obi-Wan leaves R2-D2 with Captain Antilles. It is at this time that R2 is introduced to the ship's protocol droid, C-3PO.

6. Final shot. Owen and Beru are staring at the binary sunset holding baby Luke. Zoom out to a somewhat distant hill where Obi-Wan is watching over the new family...Qui Gon in spirit form at his side.